[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

It's cultural. I've experienced many times accidentally making others uncomfortable with my silence during a conversation. That specific phenomena is known in linguistics as backchanneling (see also: the Japanese art of aizuchi)

Much like backchanneling, some cultures demand interruptions while others look down upon it. It's important that we don't overly invest ourselves in the virtues or lack thereof lest we accidentally wander into the territory of cultural imperialism. Sometimes things are the way they are just because and you have to roll with it as best you can.

Making a mental note is often impossible for me, I frequently forget and need to address something immediately in order to remember it, unless I can pause the conversation to make a physical or digital note (can't focus on what they're saying while writing it) which people would probably find even more rude either way.

I sympathize as a person with (catastrophic) ADHD. Trying to hold in a thought feels like smothering it. The concept of a "mental note" feels like some sort of cruel joke -- my working memory is 6 words long and people expect me to somehow hold a question in there without tuning out the rest of the conversation? Agonizing!

Even so, I try (and frequently fail) to behave as expected. I find that most people can come to appreciate the effort once they get to know you and your shortcomings. Never forget that people are not monuments; if you mean well and try your best others will bend the rules for you.

I don't know how to deal with it with 99% of people, but between my wife and I we have a system. When someone is talking and the other has a response they want to say to something, they hold up their finger. The speaker then wraps up their thought and gives the other person room to speak. It isn't foolproof but it helps a lot. We both have the problems you're describing otherwise / we still have those problems, but it's better than otherwise.

I think interruption is often based on assumption and a good conversationalist or debater wouldn't want to rely on assumption.

Also, how do you feel about being interrupted or spoken over?

Some people talk out loud to organise their thoughts. I think it's best to let them have the space, unless there's something urgent or time critical going on.

Then there's a question of language. In English it's easier to make those assumptions, but in German it is trickier due to sentence structure. Sometimes you need to wait to make sense of what is being said.

Here's a nice explanation of the types and reasons for interrupting:

https://www.psychmechanics.com/psychology-of-interrupting/

You'll see that there's one called rapport interrupting, which I think most people do, not as a power move, but to show empathy.

If someone is clearly violating an agreed-upon boundary or its of an offensive tenor that is abusive, I'll either stop them as soon as that is apparent or I'll just leave.

People feel around and test boundaries all the time and its up to you to set your own personal standards and then back them up consistently so there isn't deviation from the basics

Just like most human interaction, it's situational and the rules to how to do it are very context based as well. There are proper ways, and acceptable reasons to interrupt in specific scenarios. In formal structured settings it leans on almost always inappropriate. On informal and intimate exchanges it's perfectly acceptable but rules to how, when, to whom and why are nuanced and unwritten. Every social group will have their own by laws as well. Observe any human gathering and you will notice them interrupting each other all the time. Ask those same people whether it's acceptable to interrupt others and they will naïvely mostly answer that it isn't. Thus is the nature of human communication.

You have stumbled onto one of lives true mysteries, i an unsure if wel ever know the answer.

On a very serious note, every point you made I encounter all the time, people going on misguided tangents, mental notes getting chaotic quickly..

Worst is when i do get to ask a question but its interpreted as a different question so now i get a long answer for something i didn’t ask and often info i already knew.

The catch is i know why I encounter this all the time and that’s because i am certified Add/autist..

What that means for you i have no clue, only real advice i have (for professional setting) is make it clear you want important information in writing.

Writings can be read om your own time, can be thought trough, easily circle back and forth to summarize a list of questions you still have at the end which can simply be mailed back.

It doesn’t solve the live social dynamic but effectively circumvents it if coworkers acknowledge that miscommunication causes routine issues.

Interrupting is the crude mode of operations. If time isn't an issue, and the other person is understood to be trying to say something, I never interrupt someone. If a statement or question is "dumb", I give the benefit of the doubt, because it doesn't take away from there being an answer. If it's a loaded one or uses a literary device, I have no issue deconstructing it. As for if it's an attack on me, would interrupting help?

Also going on faith that they might answer your question on their own without you even asking it, seems unreliable to me and often it's very unlikely or even impossible that they would unless you ask them yourself, depending on the context.