MuhammadJesusGaySex

I think it paints a funny mental picture.

I mean think about it. A big veiny strong Muhammad. With a thick beard, and curly dark chest hair. Balls deep in a white twink Jesus.

I mean it turns me on.

This shit made me laugh harder than it should’ve.

That was a roller coaster of amazing. Bravo good sir/madam.

I had a dream the other day that myself and others were being pursued by government assassins. I proclaimed that I wasn’t afraid of them. The people I was with said that nothing bad would happen to me because I didn’t live there.

Right then a bunch of guys in suits burst in and grab the people that I was with. They held me down and made me watch as they force fed poison to the people I was with.

I watched in horror as pink foam came from their moths and they flopped around on the floor. Obviously in pain. They made gurgling sounds through the foam.

Right then my partner woke me up to say she was going to work. I had only been asleep for an hour and a half. My heart was pounding from what I had just witnessed. There was no way I could go back to sleep after that.

I have a question about cat people. Does their pee smell like cat pee? Because it’s inescapable. When you pee a little residue is left behind.

So, you pick up a cat person at a bar. Take them home and have wild sex all weekend. Then you show up to work on Monday, and everyone knows what you’ve been up to. Because you reek of cat piss.

Sure you showered, but you can’t wash off cat piss smell. No, you have to wear it off. It stays with you.

You know. That is really my beef with religion.

It’s like if someone started a nonprofit called “save the whales”. A lot of people see that, join and/or give money to them. Then we look at their finances and see 10% of their money goes to feeding whales, but 90% is used to kill whales. The people, rightfully angry call them out, but the members just argue back about all the whales they are feeding.

When you ask a religious person what their religion is about. They will tell you it’s a religion of peace, and love. It’s about compassion. But then you watch what they do, and realize they aren’t about that at all. They are a bunch of hate filled sex pests that do all manners of fucked up shit. Then use their god as an excuse. Because faith supersedes common sense every time.

I can’t wait for society to collapse. Because, I want to see what a human steak tastes like. Assuming I survive the initial downfall.

You’d normally be right, but unfortunately I had to give it up. It makes me all paranoid and stuff. It’s no fun. I still think it should be legal everywhere though.

They forgot video games.

How many loved ones do these people think I have. Like, I got maybe 4 people I consider loved ones, and one of those is my fishing buddy.

I have lived in Florida twice. The first time was from the age of 5 to 7. My mom kidnapped me and ran away to Florida. She died when I was 7 and I had to move back in with my dad.

The second time. My first wife and I moved there for a couple of years. A lot of crazy things happened while we lived there. Here’s a taste.

A friend got too drunk at a bar. So I carried her from the bathroom to the car. Then I drove her home. Carried her to her room and put her in her bed and tucked her in. When I got back to the car I realized she had shit on me and in my car.

I went to a bar with a guy from work. We got drunk, and this hot older chick started talking to us. She introduces “her boys” which I thought were her homies, her friends, ya know her boys, and invited us to hang out with them. My friend accepted and he was my ride. Sooooooo, we wind up at their house. “Her boys” were her sons, and one of their wives comes out the bedroom pissed that we woke her up. Then outside mom gets naked in the pool and “her boys” were just like “yup that’s my mom… naked”

Fuck that cess pit. The whole god damn state is cursed.

I like to wipe my butt with things that I have to hand to people. Cashier gets a tude with me. I politely hand them ass money. Have to pay a ticket. I rub it on my butthole first. That’s how I exact my revenge.