dazedandconfused

Hey, if you’ve read some of my other posts, you know I’m bi. I don’t think we get to have gaydar :-( At least I don’t, given the number of times I’ve been hit on and only realized it days/weeks/years later.

Question: How do I figure out what this guy’s deal is without maybe losing a new potential bro friend, if that’s even possible?

Context: People don’t know I’m bi unless they ask, or unless I am dating them. I’ve been told by gay friends that I’m “straight as an arrow” :-P

Post-COVID I don’t really have many local friends, and no bros at all anymore. Live in NYC.

Situation: I was invited to a dinner party hosted by an extended friend circle. The hosts want to set me up with a cute lawyer, and yeah we hit it off and I’m asking her to go out on a date some time soon. No issues or concerns there.

Separate from that, there was a guy, let’s call him Ted. He’s not exactly my normal guy type (he’s tall), but I dunno, I like him. We also hit it off, he asked me a bunch of questions, I asked him, too. He’s new in town. He’s really good looking. Fit, sharp features, light eyes, a little tan, fairly hairy.

He was telling me about meeting up with a guy and they did a bunch of stuff out on the town together, and then Ted asked him, “Is this a date?” and the guy said “Yeah.” And Ted was like, “Cool!” I don’t think I gave him any indication that I’m into guys, it would have been a little scandalous since I just met the first and she was seated next to me.

He was seated next to me at dinner. Ted would often grab my arm or my shoulder (not hard) while talking to me, and look at me directly in the eyes while saying something. Sitting at the table, he’s often rub/bump his leg/knee against mine. Several times he moved his arm sideways (for no apparent reason), brushing his forearm hair against mine, which was absolutely electrifying. I might have a new kink, y’all…

Before leaving, he gave me his number, and later texted me that it was great to meet. I said we should find some time to hang out. He said he’s not going to be able to hang out this weekend (sister in town), but that next weekend will work for him. We have yet to work out the details.

Question: How do I figure out what this guy’s deal is without maybe losing a new potential bro friend, if that’s even possible?

Idea: I’ve been thinking about making some fairly neutral plans (museum, dinner/drinks), and just asking him at the beginning if this is a bro date or a date date. What else could I do that might work better? Do I not even bring it up and let him be a friend either way? Am I overthinking everything, as usual?

Thanks for coming to my sexually confused TED talk.

Like it's actually fun. A few folks at work know I broke up with my girlfriend of some time recently. When I later asked them to let me know if they know anyone nice to set me up with, I always use gender-neutral language. But every single one pretty much assumes women only, and frankly I'm okay with that. Everyone doesn't need to know everything. If they ever asked, I'll tell them.

However, the married gay guy made sure to ask me, "are you into girls, guys,…?" and people I felt so touched and seen that someone didn't just assume. He says his mind is tingling with ideas, and I'm sure if he and his husband make any intros they'll be great.

Finally, I totally have a work crush on a guy, and I feel so stupid about it. My work crush at my last company was also a smaller guy who kept it tight, which is a funny theme. This time though I'm pretty sure he's gay, based on a few different things including a pretty sexy insta. I just want to hold him and carry him around, and now I feel super weird when I see him or make eye contact. Ha here I am almost 40 and this guy still has me horned up like a teenager. Maybe one day I'll build up the courage to say something to him. Non work dating and hookups are so much easier though!

Anyway yeah, basically being in the closet at work is…fun!