fakeman_pretendname

joined 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

To be fair, these days they're all at it. For instance, Dulux has ones like "Poisoned Apple" and "Treasured Memory", and I'm pretty sure Wilkos used to have one called "Oaty Dreams".

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

We already chuck a couple of metres of the Holderness coast into the sea every year. Is that not good enough for you?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 hours ago

Me "Hi, is that, umm... Phones, number four, uhhhh?"

Phones4u "Haha, yes, but It's pronounced 'Phones For You'"

Me "Oh, it's it a wrong number? I've got it written down here, it's a number four, not a word 'for' f-o-r, and it's not the word 'you', but just a letter U on its own, which is pronounced 'uh'"

Phones4u "yes, that's how we write it"

Me "Why? Why didn't you do it properly? It's just like that argument with the 90s boyband Fiveive all over again."

Etc etc

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Is it a weird guilt thing?

I hated that song when the programme was new, but now I feel guilty about it, because someone was trying their best, and they wrote, re-wrote, edited and worked on that song and for every instrument and vocal, someone practised and practised and performed, and even if it wasn't quite to my taste, it doesn't mean it was bad, and I picture them still crying themselves to sleep at night, twenty years later, going "everyone hates the song I did for Star Trek Enterprise and now I hate myself", so I make sure to watch the full intro so I don't hurt their feelings.

That's what everyone else does too, right?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

As I've reached middle age, and my sense of taste degrades, I've downgraded cucumber's taste from "rancid farts" through "standard farts" to "mild farts".

They still taste of farts, but eventually you just decide that life's easier if you just accept that cucumbers and most cruciferous veg tastes of farts, but hardly anybody else can taste it and they don't know what you're on about, so you just eat them and say "yum yum, that was great" for the sake of a quiet life.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

From the 90s (in a small patch of Yorkshire), I remember Townies, Scallies, Kevs (seemingly a lot of them were called Kev where I lived), Carlings (a drink of choice, perhaps?), and Scrotes (i.e. ballbags). Neds was sometimes used as an alternative, but wasn't common.

I don't think I heard "Chavs" until the early 2000s. Never quite sure if they were actually the same thing - as the "Chav" thing seemed to have a class/wealth element, that "Chavs were poor/working class", whereas the Townies/Scallies/Kevs of my teen years were certainly all from richer families than me and my friends, they just liked to rob people, smash up bus shelters and shops and attack people (especially those who were "gay looking" or "foreign looking").

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This is good, but they could really do with running these for older people too.

Here's one I heard this week for example:

"My friend down at the bowls club said on Facebook that they're not even real immigrants, but they're special forces soldiers from the secret UN Army and they're bringing them over here to take over the British and they've all got really good shoes and mobile phones you see, that's how you can tell and they're all of fighting age aren't they?"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago
  1. Rupert Murdoch
  2. The Daily Mail, Express, Telegraph
  3. Nigel Farage
  4. Elon Musk
  5. Putin's Internet disinformation army
[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago

"Phwoar! Most of the people in this hospital are wearing nurse's uniforms! Kinky!"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

This is brilliant.

I'm going to store it in my long-term memory as "true".

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Without facial hair, he just looks like a thumb.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If you like Point and Click adventures (are they still called that?), have you ever tried Yorkshire Gubbins? Very silly humour.

 

"If Michael Gove really wants to root out the forces threatening British society, perhaps his party should look in the mirror"

 

There's a man on my train this morning, and he's listening to stuff out loud on his phone, like fully out loud, not even slightly subtle. The train is in Britain. He keeps listening to 5 seconds of an annoying song, then switching to another song. It sort of sounds like kids TV music. He appears dressed to go work in a fancy office or something, and this is a morning commuter train, so I don't think he's escaped from a prison or mental hospital.

Anyway, amongst myself and another couple of hundred quiet passengers, we've tried everything:

  • tutting and rolling our eyes
  • harrumphing, whingeing and sighing
  • when a bloke got on the train with headphones on, someone said loudly "Isn't it great when someone wears headphones? They can listen to whatever they like and nobody else has to hear it"
  • sometimes it stops for a minute, and there's a widespread muttering of "Ooh, thank god that's over with"
  • followed by an en-masse groan when it starts again "Oh no, not this again!"
  • a lady on the phone saying loudly "Sorry, I can't hear what you're saying, because someone is being inconsiderate and playing music really loudly"
  • saying to one another, loudly enough for the man to hear "isn't it annoying when someone plays their music out loud? I wish he'd stop doing that"
  • muttering aggressive words, under our breath, in his general direction "prick", "wanker" "knobhead", "bellend"
  • Someone getting onto the train, and not sitting at his table and saying "God, I'd rather stand than sit next to that prick", loud enough for him to hear.
  • the ticket-checking man rolled his eyes, but didn't do anything

I think generally we're running out of ideas. I heard someone behind me mentioning they were thinking about "sparking him out", and someone else had suggested they might grab his phone and throw it out the window.

I was toying with the idea of going nuclear on him, and directly but politely asking him to turn it down, but it's a bit early for that kind of extreme behaviour. Perhaps I should throw something at his head?

Anyway, anyone who's been in a similar situation have any suggestions?

[Update] The train got full, so people were standing all the way down the aisle. Three people sat on the table next to him.

Opposite him, an older woman stared at him and shook her head at him, in a gesture I interpreted as "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed". He put his phone in his pocket and stared out the window. I gave her the subtlest of nods, to communicate "thank you" and "good job".

So we're safe, this time - but I'm still interested in solutions, as something like this could happen again!

 

My son says it means taking out the player without getting the ball, all while shouting ‘Brexit means Brexit’. Sound familiar?

For the umpteenth time, my son, with an Ikea stuffed ball he has had since infancy, is playing football in the living room. He is joined by one of his best friends, an equally football-obsessed 10-year-old who, before slide-tackling in what can only be described as a deliberate attempt to knock my son’s legs off, shouts: “Brexit means Brexit!” Confused, I pass it off as an example of tweenage precocity: which 10-year-old is happy to quote Theresa May while playing football?

I must admit, this gives me some hope for the future.

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submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

"Singer whose idiosyncratic performances helped the German band Can stretch the limits of experimental rock"

Saw him sing/speak/make noise at a 2 hour long improv set in a small gig venue in Yorkshire about 10-20 years ago, supported by a handful of local improv musicians.

After they finished the set, he individually thanked (and optionally hugged) every single audience member.

 

Cats Protection UK Website - National Black Cat Day

I include a complementary picture of a black cat in a carrier bag.

 

Three cats spread over the stairs, staring at the camera person, blocking access to the upstairs. (Actually they're just waiting for someone to throw the fuzzy ball for them to chase).

 

Photo is from about a year ago, when the cats learnt that as well as "on the bed" and "under the duvet", if you explored the area where the buttons were, there was also "inside the duvet cover".

 

Three cat brothers, sat neatly on a staircase, Jan 2023. This is probably my favourite photo of the three of them together.

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