Cover your phb in spray adhesive and leave it sitting on the table. As soon as someone touches it, shout "ROLL INITIATIVE!"
Actually, apply this to other random objects at the game table. A bag of chips, 1 can of soda in the fridge, every 3rd pencil, whatever.
I'm not confident I'm remembering correctly, but didn't she have a line to the effect of "They can courtmarshall me if we make back"
Not a very high quality article. Makes constant reference to "faction and domain play" without adequately defining the terms for someone that didn't grow up with them. (Presumably, the target of the article.) And a lot of typos.
Addl wisdom: some people make jokes when they're uncomfortable, as a defense mechanism. If you have a player or players constantly trying to lighten the mood, consider that the atmosphere you're trying to create may not be a good fit for your party, and/or parts of your party may not be a good fit for your game.
I understand, but also, please don't. As bad as it is right now, the world is still a better place with you in it. Call or text 988 if you're feeling suicidal, there are people there ready to listen and help.
One slab of dry ice is a couple pounds, I could easily see a bathtub full of it being a problem. Also, co2 is heavier than air, cats are smaller than humans, and they live closer to the ground, so I think ...m... made the right call.
This kind of thing can be fun. It can also be just as or more fun to sit around with nothing more than some scrap paper and an idea. Especially no shade on people that don't have unlimited budgets to spend on setups like this.
My headcanon is that it's entirely perception. Kind of like how plating the same food in a pretty way can affect how you rate it's taste. The replicated food can be identical down to the molecule, but the knowledge that Sisko's Dad handmade your dinner makes you think it's tastier.
May I direct you to the first two words of your post?
Fun fact, any game dev's financial data can be stolen if you're capable of answering my riddles three
I'm not one of them, but I empathize with all the GMs that are just sick of dealing with those particular kinds of misconduct that crop up with new players.