this post was submitted on 11 Sep 2023
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neurodiverse

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What is Neurodivergence?

It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc

“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”

So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned


Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven't personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you're ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another's, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who's experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm'd.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don't be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed

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I have no friends or partner, I’ve been very lonely.

When I go out to try to meet people, no one ever comes up to me and starts talking to me. But if I want to meet someone I have to do exactly that. But like, why should I have to be the one to initiate 100% of the time? Shouldn’t it be 50/50? (And I’m not really talking about societal expectations of the man initiating with the woman, I’d rather have a boyfriend anyway.)

I have such a hard time initiating conversations with people, to the point where I mostly just stress out and sit there alone. If someone initiated with me things might go better. But they just don’t.

The only reasonable explanation I can think of is that literally no one has any interest in me.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 11 months ago (1 children)

One thing that I suspect you're probably missing is that you are likely to be giving off "Don't engage with me" vibes unintentionally.

If you go to a social place like a cafe or a bar or somewhere similar, observe how different people signal whether they are open or closed to interactions with others (often this is quite subtle so unless you're fluent in body language or an avid people-watcher, you may miss the smaller cues so YMMV.)

People who are open to engagement with others will have at least a small smile on their faces, they will orient their bodies outwards towards the open space rather than towards a corner or a wall, they will have their heads up and often they'll be scanning the room or gazing out into the room, and they will do things like make limited eye contact with others who are doing the same thing.

If brief eye contact is made with another person, often that's where there's a subtle exchange of signals that occurs such as a slightly increased smile, a small nod of acknowledgement, a quick raise of the eyebrows (but not in an exaggerated or suggestive way - more like an eyebrow flash that monkeys do to signal friendliness or submission [i.e. "I'm not a threat"/"my eye contact is not intended to be intimidation"]), perhaps even mouthing the word "hi" or a small, open-handed gesture like a raised finger or two or a sort of truncated wave.

Then the next thing is for one of the two people to approach the other, often under pretext, and to start with an opener. This is culturally specific so it becomes more difficult to determine what is appropriate given your cultural context but openers which are neutral and directed at something external and mutually agreeable is a way of signalling intent to engage on a friendly basis rather than seeking to pick someone up, so something like "It's a beautiful day out there" would be the cue for the other person to respond affirmatively and to build on the opener and to leave conversational "breadcrumbs" to signal that they wish to lead the conversation from behind, so their response might be "It really is. It's a nice break from the awful weather we've been having and it's so much nicer walking my dog when it's like this."

The "breadcrumb" there is that the other person is signalling that they want the first person to lead the discussion towards the topic of their dog. "Oh, I love dogs. What breed do you have?"

Etc. Etc.

Once the other person has reciprocated enough and there is an indication that there's mutuality in the conversation after a few more back-and-forths which are kept light and are not too personal, especially when the other person has shown interest in the person who approached them, the person who approached might say something like "Do you mind if I take a seat?" while gesturing towards a nearby seat which is not in direct contact with the other person. A seat opposite them or one which can be reached without having to squeeze past the other party is a socially-appropriate choice, except where it's a particularly small or crowded venue in which case being in close quarters is to be expected and it's generally more acceptable.

This is generally where you would introduce yourself by name and seek the name of the other person before continuing the conversation.

This is more or less how people strike up conversations with other people who are strangers in public venues where people are open to approach. Restaurants at dinner are generally not appropriate. Casual dining restaurants at lunchtime are more appropriate for seeking conversation. Bars are almost always appropriate to seek conversation in. There's a lot of rules...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What is this ritual ass shit. People just expect you to know this?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Right?

And that's just the brief overview in general terms to provide a foundation so that you are able to identify and observe this pattern in real life, where it takes on a whole lot more subtlety and nuance and it's much more contextual.

This shit gives me a migraine.