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Serious: struggling with misogynistic thoughts (hexbear.net)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/2766019

Please remove if not appropriate here and I will post somewhere else.

Without getting into too much detail...I have been abused by women most of my life. I finally ended an abusive marriage with a female narcissist. I have never really struggled with this issue up until recently.

I am finding that I am often dismissed and not believed when I try to discuss this issue, even to therapists and my lawyer (all whom have also been female). I have almost no resources or support. There are no men's groups for this issue in my area. Often online I will see people mock people like myself. I have even had people on socialist sites dismiss situations like mine. It is beyond frustrating.

I understand how it is and I know that patriarchy and misogyny are still huge issues, but I've noticed myself feeling very resentful towards a lot of women recently and sometimes veer into misogynistic thoughts.

I don't want to be like this, but I am struggling.

Any advice on what I can do to control these thoughts and retrain my brain?

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I'm no expert or anything, but I'm not sure there really is an easy/universal/tested solution to this. What I would probably do in this position is just try to spend time with women and just get a greater volume of neutral-to-positive experiences with them than I ever had negative ones to form the subconscious resentment. You know, just be exposed to women enough to drill it in that women are just people, 99% of which mean you no harm.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You know, just be exposed to women enough to drill it in that women are just people, 99% of which mean you no harm.

Pretty much this. I had a period after a break up where I started to hate women and resent them. Coincides with a time in my life where I was consuming reactionary content too and getting into mgtow/mra stuff. The most important take away I can give is that women are just humans like the rest of us, and most of them are good people.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

just be exposed to women enough to drill it in that women are just people,

I credit this situation growing up as what saved me from the incel route my childhood friend took. He was one of the early "men's rights" types in the late 1990s/early 2000s that metastasized into the modern incel thing. He and I had a reasonably similar upbringing. Same age, same social circles, same nerdy hobbies, same hometown, same cultural conditioning, same church, same school classes, etc. But I had a lot of age-appropriate interaction with girls and women in my immediate and extended family, and he didn't. There were a lot of times in high school when I had to quietly tell him to knock it off with some new creepy behaviour he was showing towards girls.