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I love your willingness to follow through
I don't. I've since found out that it's a trauma response. When people want me in a sexual way, I feel obligated to acquiesce. Childhood PTSD gave me a heavy freeze/fawn response, because you gotta do whatever you can to survive, and once ingrained, it never really lets go. I've been working on it a lot though, and think after a few years of celibacy, I may be ready to start dating again! Just gonna have to take things slow, and be ready to say "No." But I believe in myself and that I am worthy of love! Self-Pep talk go!