this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2024
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[–] [email protected] 73 points 19 hours ago (4 children)

why jesus cakes hanging out

Also my money on the four armed elephant dude with an axe

[–] [email protected] 36 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Dude forgot to gird. Rookie mistake.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

Yes it looks like an iron axe, and God has a problem with Iron:
https://biblehub.com/judges/1-19.htm

Judges 1:19

The LORD was with the men of Judah. They took possession of the hill country, but they were unable to drive the people from the plains, because they had chariots fitted with iron.

So the idea that God is almighty is pretty ridiculous, according to the Bible that is.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

I never actually read much of the thing

I just assert that the burning bush was absolutely cannabis sativa, despite any solid evidence to the contrary. I don't care that it's not native to the region or whatever.

Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

I can't claim to have much experience in the matter, but I don't think people who just chill generally have chariots fitted with iron. Like if your neighbor happened to have a tank and a bunker, would you say they're just chilling?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago

Plus they had already taken the hill country from presumable whoever was there. So if I’m in the plains country, I’m not gonna be super chill with these land takers all up in my shit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

Yeah once Phil takes his resperidone and valium combo he's chill as fuck

Wish his wife didn't poach more than half the valium though. Fucking rude as hell. I wanted some.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago) (1 children)

If we consider the Sistine Chapel's depiction of the realm of heaven to be divine inspiration, the clothes were added later after some complaints.

The whole concept of original sin is such that pure beings such as Adam and Eve did not even realize that they were naked until they ate the fruit of carnal knowledge.

Therefor it is canon that God likes to hang out with his wang out. Freeballin.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

Also Jesus was a bottom

Do you think he was topping 12 dudes a night? They started a religion after him because he was nice not because he was a multiple cummer

So it totally makes sense for him to be flying cakes in a fight with a Hindu god

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 hours ago

Consider that the first time he broke out the superpowers was when a wedding didn't have booze. So he turned WATER INTO WINE. Just don't rule out him topping 12 dudes a night is all I'm saying. He brought the party.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Is me not a multiple cummer? Why do they say Jesus will come again?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 hours ago

if Jesus is a top that changes everything

it means he really is daddy

[–] [email protected] 10 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

I'm not sure what your religion is but I regret to inform you that you're not going to the good place.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

Based on having had to read that comment I would say we're already in the bad place

[–] [email protected] 5 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

I'm a slut for cum fill me Judas

~Jesus Christ, probably

[–] [email protected] 10 points 18 hours ago

No pants for serious mode