this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2024
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I was explaining this to my daughter in quite simplified terms the other day- we evolved to taste sugar and enjoy it because finding a sweet edible plant meant we had a source of energy to help us hunt that day. Pretty useful if you're a hunter-gatherer.

So we seek out sugar. Now we can get it whenever we want it, in much more massive quantities than we are supposed to be processing. Most of us are addicted. I'm not an exception.

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[–] [email protected] 196 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (8 children)

I might advise not downing an entire pound-and-a-half jar of spaghetti sauce in one go.

[–] [email protected] 87 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Stay away from me and my Prego Traditional chug jug.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh shit, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE FUCK NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Leggo my prego?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago

Maybe it's saying instead of eating yogurt just slam 1.5 lbs of tomato sauce instead?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

Now you tell me.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Come on now, spaghetti always begs for excessive consumption.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

The actual spaghetti you add it to has an even higher percentage of carbohydrates - in the form of starch which the human body easily turns into sugars - than the sauce so paradoxically you'll end up with less sugar in your blood stream by downing that sauce by itself than if you eat it with spaghetti.

(That said, this is for uncooked spaghetti: when you cook it it grows by absorbing water which reduces the fraction of carbohydrates in the final product, so depending on the type of spaghetti it might or not end up with more carbohydrates than the sauce).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I tried it once and vomited on my sweater

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

But did you remember your notes after?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago