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Will I get bullied for not meeting standards here? (hexbear.net)

submitted 9 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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And no, I don't mean, the supposed "Playful Bullying" (that will upset me too, same with being teased), or being even lightly prodded.

The other day, I was questioned on whether I "actually am a leftist", by a friend. After I nervously answered fairly basic questions such as believing in healthcare and collective labor, they weren't convinced. Ever since that day, I felt like I couldn't be a leftist, especially since I lost any confidence in my ability to be "better" according to that person's standards. If I couldn't satisfy their standards that one time, what would be the point of trying to read theory and trying again? Yes I admit, I haven't tried to read theory. I have no confidence that I would do it correctly.

So, I was already completely lacking in confidence in actually being a good enough leftist. But after that incident where I was bullied and picked on, even for a few minutes... Something in me gave up trying to keep up with the people on this website. It also made me fear and lose confidence in trying, for fear that I would encounter other "Secret Tests of Character" like that.

I feel as though in terms of personality, I am too quiet, too shy, and I have too little to say or contribute anyways, to feel at home here. It feels as though speaking the loudest and having lots to say is what matters the most here, and that is something I cannot do.

So, given that everyone insists "read theory", which I haven't been able to, does this mean I am not at the standards I seem to see here?

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 hours ago

I'm being a little flip honestly. Ive read 50% of capital (about 500 pages) and haven't picked it up in months. This shit was written in the late 1800s, it's not easy to do. I don't fault anyone who hasn't read it. There are a lot beginners lists out there to get you stated. But that said, anyone who seriously talks down to you for not having read theory is not a good comrade and could benefit from some self critique.