Asklemmy

Yeah, that's a hard one. On one hand, we always want to be who we think she wants us to be when we're first dating, but on the other hand, this isn't sustainable. Eventually, our true selves come out, leading to statements like "you're not the man I started dating" or whatnot and it could lead to a breakup. I'm of the belief that if someone doesn't like me for me, then she doesn't deserve to have me. That said, however, there's nothing wrong with having (safe and respectful) fun as we wait for the one.

If the job is temporary and finding another job is relatively easy, the risk is minimal. If the job isn't temporary, but it's not the career you want, the risk is higher but not high. If the job is in the field you want to career in, the risk is high. Of course, if the consequences of dating a coworker is basically termination, they (your employers) don't need to know. I think it's unethical to date your subordinate or your supervisor/manager, but I don't see anything ethically wrong with dating a coworker.

Honestly, dude. We gotta make this life count and, sometimes, that means taking calculated risks (like dating a coworker), and sometimes it means playing it safe (like not risking reassignment). You can conduct a risk analysis (be brutally honest with yourself), and decide if it's worth pursuing. I fell in love with my best friend (stupid move, I know). I sat on it as long as I could. Eventually, I was starting to see the world in unsaturated colors. I did a risk analysis on asking her out with the potential of losing my best friend. I was determined that I wouldn't allow this to completely destroy our friendship, and finally built the courage to do ask her out. She said no. And it was super awkward for a week or so. But I kept being her friend. She changed her mind to "I'll think about it". Shoot, I'll take that! A week or so later we gave it a shot. She fell in love a week after that, and we've been together since. These things can happen, but they're the exception. The thing is, even if we don't realize we're doing this, we're all looking for our One, but are all super cautious of one another, trying our best to guard our hearts. This causes rifts to grow between us, and we go from potential friends to "just coworkers". Seriously, I see this going both ways and they're both equally plausible, so I truly don't know which to recommend :( All I can say is to run the risk analysis and determine whether this is a risk you're willing to take, and I can also say that whichever you do decide, know that I support it and have got your back as best as an internet stranger can.

Part of me says I shouldn’t have to try so hard that I’m not acting like myself, and the other part of me says that I need to be an exceptional person to stand out among the other men she might meet.

Most women dont want to be impressed and the ones that do arent worth it. What many that are worth the time want is just to be treated like a person, respected for what they can do and bring to the table and what their strengths are. Just be yourself, and honest (well maybe not too honest) but professional. If it happens it happens, dont force it. But personally, she likely has boundaries with with work. Dudes can often have flings with co-workers but if a woman does it, its becomes a stigma and can affect their career in a big way. Its like the saying "you fuck one goat and you are a goat fucker for life". So you gotta respect that and dont shit where you eat and if you do, never tell a goddam soul but she would need to make the first pass in my book.

I think you’re right about money not equaling happiness. I never wanted to be a millionaire, i just want enough to entertain my hobbies occasionally.

From experience. Hes right. See my other comment.

Yeah you gotta break that loop.

Shooting is a great way to relieve stress tbh. I'd find a smith in town you are comfortable with (i know its a weird community). Often the fixes are pretty quick too, especially if they have parts. Just be cognizant of your feelings with shit like that, dont do anything rash and maybe have a friend or someone you can trust that may be willing to hold the piece for a while if needed. But the biggest thing is breaking the cycle.

Fishing, hunting are huge weekend time sucks for me. It gets me away from technology, having to figure out patterns and Im gonna be honest theres nothing like seeing the world wake up in the morning. I also will just go hiking/exploring. Like I said though, learning guitar is one that has helped me where I dont have weekends I can disappear.

You mentioned Dinosaurs. Depending on where you are, theres plenty of places to go looking for things like arrow heads, fossills and shit like that.

SO

1. put yourself out there and a find a gunsmith. Get it working.

You’re right about flirting with coworkers. Fortunately I don’t think I’ve done it so much that it’s begun to define me. There’s this one woman who works with me and she’s just so great. I want to ask her out but we have different days off and the nice restaurants I’d take her don’t open until mid day- when we have to sleep for work.

You can break that. One thing i did in my younger years to break habits (smoking etc) was wear a rubber band and just give myself a little pop if I felt I wanted a cig etc. But the big thing is just to stop. Friendly banter in the break room is one thing, but (and not saying you are) but just chill out on stopping by peoples workspace etc to chat for a while. DO you thing and head home.

I’m not sure if you ever saw the r/RelationshipAdvice subreddit but one the questions asked on almost every thread is “What value do you bring to a relationship?” And I’ve never been able to satisfactorily answer that question. I mean I’m just an average guy. I can’t offer much beyond companionship and trivia about dinosaurs. Even my hobbies aren’t relatable for most women. Still I know a wife isn’t going to just fall in my lap, it’s one of those things you have to work towards.

If its one thing I have found, thats a load of shit. THere are women that like dinosaurs for sure. Tons of women like shooting and going out in nature and shit. I havent been in the dating game in a long time, but Ill say what it took for me to break from picking up women at bars and shit (which werent people I would bring home to family) was to just think of it like making a guy friend. Do shit that would interest you and see what pans out, or try new shit. As soon as I did that, and just said "im not picking someone up", women started showing interest. My wife was met at a co-workers Barbeque etc. I was younger, but still. SOOO many dudes treat women as objects, just simply talking to them and listening like you would another guy is all it takes. But even still, my wife and I dont share too many hobbies. We just tend to watch shows and shit and like to go find places to eat and whatever. In our younger years we did a bit more together in the hobby realm, but kids change you. But even then, I have to keep certain things (like fishing, hunting, shooting, etc) to stay centered. Its a lifelong endeavor there.

Just avoid relationships were bonding is based in trauma (ie: you are both depressed). Those never fuckin work.