this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2024
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good on ya. haven't gone longer than like 4-5 days sober in probably two years. to your point about being more handsome below, honestly one of the only actual attractions i have to cutting down rn is wanting to hold onto my Very Young For My Age vanity for longer lmao. i suck.
lol that's not too far from reasoning
Main reasons for the sudden sobriety is
I'm not getting what I want out of it and I feel dependent on it for bullshit reasons
Vanity
Bank account
all valid tbh, i don't even think about how much money i burn on this shit cuz its such a stable part of my ovewrhead but it's A Lot. plus sometimes im doing it just to do it and im not even having fun. but tbh a lot of the times i am having fun and im loving it, cant even use the "i dont even like this shit that much" aspect to cope. that last part goes in phases tho.
yeah I kept running into the I'm not really having very much fun, I'm just sort of trashed for the hell of it wall a lot recently
If I was having fun I doubt I'd even have really given this the attempt lol
yeah fair. for me, even when i'm not Having A Blast, i still find it to be a comfort around my loneliness-anxiety and evening sitting-around-in-my-apartment claustrophobia. idk, there's a very specific feeling i'm seeking to quell. hard to put it into words exactly. (in my megathread post just now and in other times past i've called it The Gnawing)
I'm sitting here trying to word mine
It's like I can only feel positive about something (or someone honestly) when striving for it. When I get "the thing" my mind warps it into something negative, because if i have something it cannot possibly be good.
Booze allowed me some peace with this, but that has faded.
DAE desire is the root of all suffering??????
but i hear ya. i have a restless temperament like that, too. hard to be contented with the day-to-day, with what's right in front of my face and already in my life. don't have answers rn sadly, just commiseration
Appreciate the commiseration, legitimately
anytime bruv, that's what comrades are for
I fear there is none but to find a way to accept your own nature and mitigate the worst impulses that stem from it.
it's a fucking nightmare lmao