askchapo

Well, for a long time it was getting my black belt in BJJ. It's a tangible, finite, far off goal that can be achieved through my own work and dedication. However, 11 years later it's likely no further out than a well planned vacation, I have enough money to afford tuition until then, there's nothing more I must to learn about the art, I am 3-1 against black belts in competition, and I'm no longer coaching. When I was starting, it felt like this far off goal and you could day dream like "is it even possible? imagine what it would be like... what a wonderful journey ahead of me!" and now it's like being tenured so if I think it would be funny to practice punch chokes, wrist locks, and foot sweeps then I can run around giggling and seldom am I kept in check. If I hear them groan from top pressure I'll squeeze the air out of their torso like deflating a mattress until they sweep me so I can practice my escapes instead. The point being that this goal that was so far off stops being such a driving force in my life because the goal isn't even off over the horizon anymore - it's (likely) <50 commutes away.

Therefore it forces my perspective to shift. I've been doing a lot of heavy emotional work lately (which is the impetus for writing this out). My intention, informed by multiple bouts of achieving things I set my mind to, is to do what I do mindfully instead of zerging to the goal with the punchy epithet. I want to enjoy it, decorate it, research it, savor doing it, face failure unabashedly, and put it down when it doesn't excite me regardless of the treadmill implying there's some new shiny thing to progress to. I'd also love to use my cultivated skills, natural talent and demeanor to help people. Like if I could feasibly help the LGBT find a foothold in martial arts (especially curated and abridged for self defense/being protest ready) then I'd consider it a huge win. I think there are proportionately less lefties than there are the other things at the highest belt level and proportionately less of them are in charge of gyms/programs. And those gyms/programs are proportionately less geared towards the specific audience of hexchuds.