this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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Bro, I'm trying. I work all the time and online dating sucks butt. I think I've been on every dating app there is at least twice over the past 7 years with zero success. Like, I know I'm an introvert but it shouldn't be that hard. Especially when everyone and their mom tells me how great of a dude I am.
I think my problem is that I'm just not built for online dating. My last girlfriend and I met through fucking Reddit of all places... They should make a dating app for introverts where there are no pictures until you match with someone. Because I'm sure I'm not the only introvert that cannot for the life them take a good picture of themselves.
Introvert here. I met my now introvert wife at speed dating.
If you haven't done it before, you are in a room (usually a rented out restaurant so its just for this event) with lots of tables. At each table is a woman. As a man, you are directed to sit at a specific numbered table where there is a woman seated (all the other men do the same to the individual table they are directed to). A bell rings. You have 5 minutes to talk to each other and learn as much as you can about each other. After 5 minutes, the bell rings, and the woman stay seated, and the man moves to the next higher numbered table. You have a card with the woman's name on it and you should REALLY make notes, because you won't remember which things you thought with each person. The women do the same with their cards.
In under 2 hours each person now talked to 14-18 potential mates. At the end of the night you go online and mark which of the women you're interested in hearing more from. If any of the women you mark also mark you on their side, you're given an in-app communications channel and you can choose to share personal contact information from there.
When you're sitting at the table talking with a woman sometimes it seems like that bell rings as soon as you sit down and you wish you had more time. Those are the ones you mark on your card to talk more with. Sometimes, you're 1 minute in and you're dreading waiting though the next 4 min. Those you do not mark.
I'd recommend you give Speed Dating a try.
Curious where you find something like this. Did you just Google "Local Speed Dating" or something?
I just searched for hot singles in my area. Works everytime.
Yep. There are usually companies that put these on, and as its their business, it will be the same companies doing many sessions throughout the year.
I wasn't sure if Speed Dating was still a thing (since I did it years ago), and I find it is still a thing!
There's one tonight in Los Angeles:
But also midwest towns. Here's one in Des Moines Iowa 2 days from now:
Well that was depressing. Google does indeed list regular speed dating events near me, by age range and preference.
However I’m really not happy where my age lands. I can’t be that old. Just a few years ago I would be hanging out in the rec room playing video games on my Atari ….
This sounds horrible, like an interview but multiple back to back and lasting for hours. No thanks, I'd rather be thrown back into the hell of online swiping.
I have not had much luck with dating apps, so a friend and I attended a local speed dating event when we turned 30. Apparently it was advertised on a dating app and is run by a company that does events for singles.
Anyway it was exactly like you described - a series of awkward interviews with strangers I didn't click with, some of whom tuned out after a couple of minutes and you could tell they were just waiting for the next person. Many were people who had just moved to the state/country.
Any other option for meeting people would probably be better than attending a speed dating event imo
How do you even find stuff like that? Because I've definitely thought of giving that a try ngl.
Just Googling "speed dating [city name]". Here are some examples from my other comment
Amazing I didn't know it was a real thing I thought it was a joke
Edit: cool beans found out one happened in 2019
But nothing else
Like, I'm in that position too, except I have a touch of the 'tism to go along with it. Not so much that I can't function, but enough to the point that socializing is exhausting. I get nothing but bots when I try online dating, and going out mostly just results in people asking me why I'm always just standing in a corner by myself.
Really, I just need a wingman, but I don't know anybody who would be willing or able to do it; my brother and both of my closest friends live an hour-and-a-half away and my BIL has very young kids.
I'm at a point where I'm not sure if it's ever gonna happen.
This is me but with jobhunting
I think it's far better to find someone you can relate to via their personality first. Everyone has their flaws, so if you're weeding people out first from appearance and then trying to find the person inside to match, that's killing your odds a lot. That being said, you can hit it off seeing someone first and then learning more about them, but I think that's more true in real life where you can pick up other signals that online visuals just aren't going to do, and those subtle signs will filter your image of them, whereas if you had a picture of them online you might skip over.
However I have no experience in the dating game and am biased as I found my wife of 35 years online back in 1985. Rather she found me in randomly looking for someone to chat with and things went from there.
There was an episode of Ted Lasso that referred to a dating app with no pics. I thought it was a great idea.
I met my girlfriend at a meetup for the local area discord. You could look for a local reddit/discord that has meetups, or a local meetup.com group.