i was trying to be tactful, respectful, and understanding by posting this thread for ppl to ask questions abt our beautiful hexbear. i didnt get any questions.
it took 4 hours for Ada, their admin, to respond. she locked the thread shortly after responding
her reply above was disheartening, as she seemed willing to work with us previously. equating ableism to a dunk tank post is just vile. and claiming the transphobia in 196 is “a specific event that occurred around a month ago” proves she didnt read any of our concerns. i didnt know abt that event, im sure most of us here dont. our concerns are rooted in the chasers of 196 (non-trans ppl who fetishize trans ppl). someone replied to her saying we were “concern-trolling”. is it that unbelievable that we care abt not having bigotry in the same space as us. i want to grab some of these users by the shoulders, shake them, and yell, “WE ARE BEING GENUINE. WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT PROVIDING A SAFE, SUPPORTIVE SPACE FOR ALL PEOPLE, AND YOUR COMMUNITY IS ALIENATING TRANS AND DISABLED PEOPLE!!”
responses were not very positive of us
they think this is a bit! lol, lmao even! this whole thing has me 
this chain of comments particularly upset me
“its a troll”. my pronouns are right next to my name, and “it” isnt one of them (even tho thats 100% a valid pronoun to prefer)
this one had me fully 
and the cherry on top warranted its own post https://hexbear.net/post/373453
I'm not entirely sure how federation/defederation works since it's one way, from what I understand the posts that were federated remain, and one of the two parties can still comment and be seen, but the other can't? It's not super well documented yet
we might still aggregate their posts since we don't block them but I think nobody but people browsing from lemmygrad can see those comments.
the way it works is that blahaj (or any other instance that's defederated lemmygrad) won't federate any of its posts/comments made on comms hosted on its instance to lemmygrad, so we won't see those, but if they comment or post on a comm that's hosted on an instance that still federates with lemmygrad (eg. hexbear), hexbear will take that post/comment and federate it to every instance it's federated with, it doesn't check to see if the instance of that post/comment defederates from of the instances it sends it out to, it sends them all out, and so we're able to see it, unless we also defederated the original instance.
Strange but, I've seen stranger things