Men's Liberation: Resisting Patriarchy

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"...only a feminist vision that embraces feminist masculinity, that loves boys and men and demands on their behalf every right that we desire for girls and women, can renew men in our society. Feminist thinking teaches us all, males especially, how to love justice and freedom in ways that foster and affirm life. Clearly we need new strategies, new theories, guides that will show us how to create a world where feminist masculinity thrives." - bell hooks, The Will to Change

Welcome to our community dedicated to fostering discussions on the complexities of contemporary masculinity within the context of the prevailing patriarchy. This space is designed to empower men and men-aligned individuals to explore, challenge, and navigate the various facets of masculinity that they encounter. Here, we encourage open dialogue, where members can share their personal struggles, seek and offer guidance, and exchange insights on cultivating positive and productive approaches to masculinity.

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[Struggles ft. Masculinity] I screwed up. (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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In my cashier position, I met a lovely customer. She spoke beyond the corpo facade and engaged me as a human being, and I felt smitten with longing. Not necessarily romantic, not at all sexual. Just longing. For connection. Any kind. Please. I am beginning to know and love myself, let me share. We continued talking, it was a pleasure to see one another when she shopped. I asked for and received contact details.

I have been so in my head about achieving these ideas I'm so enamored with right now and growing as a person. Engaging women (and all others tbh) on equal ground as fully conscious, aware and sincere beings just as I am. Extrapolating my experience of possessing whole ass sentience onto others as an empathy exercise.

I had decided that I will be radically open and honest to the people I seek to form connections with, and I have been. It has been so interesting seeing how I interact with other people, so many other people (due to my job) and just getting to know myself.

So. Sososo. She's going to be out of town for a not insignificant amount of time. I like her a lot. We have a ton in common. She brought me wildflowers at work once. Of course, with how excited I am about le epic male feminist 💫 journey 💫 I'm on...

Well, we talked a bit. It felt reciprocal for a little while, but she didn't respond for a few days and I got a little in my head about it. I spammed her a bit (I was so excited to share!) and then sent a message after some reflection that I was gonna cool it on the spam, but that I was still thinking about her.

A few days go by without any exchange, I send her a text about how I miss my cats and I hope she's grateful for hers. She responds and we talk for a bit, then she mentions that she's interested in another guy but was afraid of hurting my feelings.

Okay.

I prepared for this.

I know how to relate.

I know that there are so many other interesting people who could make great partners for me.

I know what it's like to be liked and to not like back.

I genuinely want to be her friend if nothing else.

I send back the honest truth that of course I was a little disappointed and a little sad, but those were human reactions that I would allow to pass through me without struggle. That she did not hurt me, she did not do anything but exist. I hurt me, but it's only a scratch. I asked to see her crush, she sent pics, I said he was cute (he is).

Then I receive a message from her saying she's frustrated with me because I continued to pursue her romantically (or act flirtatiously etc.) when she indicated that she wasn't interested.

I got a little defensive. Woah, okay. I know when no means no, and it's always. She had mentioned prior her uncertainty regarding her capacity to even feel romantic intimacy, I figured that may have been what she was indicating.

I said "I can't read minds".

I had added up all the indicators of her potential romantic interest in me in my head and subtracted indicators of disinterest and had concluded erroneously that I was still in the positive. I understood now that it was expressed to me that there was no interest. I still want to be friends, and the hurt has already passed, because of those helpful things I know.

No, no. It was much worse.

She screenshotted a prior conversation we had had and sent it wherein she said

I don't see you how you see me

a text that I had misread a day prior as

I don't see how you see me

a text that I had interpreted as

I don't see myself how you are seeing me right now (due to potential self-esteem issues)

Based on conversations we had had, it'd be a fair interpretation... if I had read the original fucking text correctly the first time.

I don't see you how you see me

Fuck.

I am so sorry ohmygod I'm so fucking embarrased dude I literally u won't believe me b I fucking I misread omg

FUCK. God damn it.

I HAD PREPARED FOR THIS. I was ready to face rejection. I was not ready to face this, because I never wanted to be a part of anything like this! I do not continue to chase women after I become aware of their boundaries! I do take no for an answer, always! She told me I try to sell myself as a feminist while still partaking in the games of sexist men.

I most certainly did continue to act flirtatiously (calling her pretty, spamming, etc) after receiving and misreading that message.

Well. Part of the reason I wanted to connect with others was learning experiences. What did I learn? Read texts very, very carefully. Work on context clues and body language. Continue honing empathy and when somebody tells you something, listen rather than immediately jumping to defensiveness.

I apologized profusely and probably just made a bigger ass out of myself. I did explain myself and she said she knew I was really a nice guy, just that she was frustrated. She indicated that we could still be friends, I hope she meant it.

At least I know that I genuinely fucked up here without any conscious malice on my own part, and I am aware of the things I have to work on. I know and love myself, and I know I would not do such a thing consciously.

I wanted radical honesty and instead I completely missed what my conversational partner was telling me.

I am still quite lonely, although I am learning to appreciate myself as a roommate and friend. I am afraid to fuck up like this again. I hope this doesn't make me afraid to reach out to others. I guess if it does, I just have to work through the fear as I have been and bombard the patriarch inside me as I continue to.

Thank you for reading, comrades. Do you have any experience with unrequited feelings and not "getting the hint" (perhaps even as you are told directly... like some of us). Or perhaps someone did not get the hint about your feelings? Have you ever unconsciously broken a boundary?

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I think sometimes you just really need to click with someone in that sense, I'm also a person who (when I'm in the mood and generally have an interest with someone) write either too much or too long, so I tend to look or think like I'm bothering, specially if the other person's replies are overly small. So I try to repress myself according to the other person's reply, doesn't mean one is good and the other is bad, it depends, maybe the other person doesn't like to write much but likes to read you. I guess it's a bit of knowing the other person. I'm no smart person about people, though, so yeah.