SovereignState

Oops!

I feel kind of silly. I spent 12-13 years knowing internally that I am a woman. I regularly "pretended" to be a woman online as a kid and teenager. I have always preferred my "feminine" features and appreciated the "feminine" side of my personality far more than the "masculine". I used the nonbinary label as a shield, protecting myself from the truth for years.

I got out of a really rough, codependent relationship in 2023. I was told a lot of really horrible things about myself that I know now aren't true, but believed at the time. A lot of things that had me examining my supposed manhood and the more toxic parts thereof. I "came out" as cis. I created the Men's Liberation community here (and proceeded to not take an active role there due to depression and... well, this.)

I read a lot about masculinity and manhood, and began using my 'maleness' as a means to get better, as a means to do better, to be better. It would allow me to more critically examine the ways I was socialized and more adequately deconstruct them. It did, for a time.

In the midst of my stint with manhood, I met a couple of people who knew the truth. Before we had even spoken to each other beyond base pleasantries, they would talk about me using she/her pronouns. After we got to talking, I felt like I could be queer again, be me again. I have found my people and my home, and in doing so I have managed to find myself again.

I am a woman. I start HRT within the week. I am so, so excited. I am a woman.

The PSL says: Resistance to apartheid and fascist-type oppression is not a crime! It is the inevitable outcome for all people who demand self-determination rather than living with the boot-heel of the oppressors on their necks.

There is undoubtedly a ton of socialist history regarding the promulgation and study of Esperanto.

https://en.prolewiki.org/wiki/Esperanto

It does not seem like it is nearly as popular as it once was, but there are examples of it being used and even celebrated in Cuba, China, and the DPRK.

I adore the idea of a lingua universalis. I am also aware of many of the criticisms of Esperanto, from its ostensible Eurocentricity to its difficulty with escaping unnecessarily gendered language.

Is there much use in learning it, outside of personal interest or as a hobby? Do you think that there are Esperantist movements large enough to justify learning it? Enough speakers?

TW for all sorts of fucked up shit

“They gaslighted individuals with mental illness, they bullied people by harassing them, they crashed meetings they were not invited to (Tafadar and Khalil had attempted to crash gender struggle sessions, demanding that everyone surrender their phones for a search and seizure, like a hostage type of move), they threatened people with violence, and abused their leadership or popularity status as a way to avoid criticisms.”

I really recommend reading this, especially to Amerikan comrades and all comrades who feel ideologically inclined towards "Marxism-Leninism-Maoism [principally Maoism]".

...a member of RGA’s Revolutionary Student Front is confronted by other members for consistent creepy, sexist, and manipulative behavior. Jared argues for him to remain a member through undergoing “rectification” through physical violence, a method that will become a feature of the cult. Carlos agrees to rectification, not believing he will actually be assaulted. He is beaten, after which he flees the state.

It really only continues to get worse.

“Without letters our comrade has no contact with the outside world and he continues to not receive letters from the majority of his comrades. The consistent lack of initiative has forced the PPSC to take further action against the negligible support provided to our comrade. From now on a fine of 20 dollars will be given to those who have a personal relationship with our imprisoned comrade but fail to send out at least 1 letter monthly. The 20 dollars will go in a collection to support our imprisoned comrade’s wife and child."

It gets far, far worse.

This is by far the most interesting, detailed, and horrifying exposé I've seen regarding the Red Guards. In reading it, I believe there may be valuable insight on how to prevent ourselves from getting swept up in the political games of narcissistic opportunists. It is also crucial to be able to differentiate democratic centralism from "democratic centralism", lest any of us find ourselves stuck in a situation like this.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/1550739

"Gabon military officers claim power, say election lacked credibility Television announcement comes shortly after state election body announces incumbent Ali Bongo had won a third term as president.

A group of senior military officers has gone on national television in Gabon saying they have seized power because elections held over the weekend were not credible.

The officers, appearing on Gabon24 in the early hours of Wednesday morning, said they had cancelled the elections, dissolved all state institutions and closed the country’s borders.

They said they represented all security and defence forces of Gabon.

The announcement came shortly after the state election body said President Ali Bongo Ondimba had won a third term in office in Saturday’s disputed elections.

“In the name of the Gabonese people … we have decided to defend the peace by putting an end to the current regime,” the officers said.

The Gabonese Election Centre said Bongo had secured 64.27 percent of the vote compared with 30.77 percent for his main challenger Albert Ondo Ossa, after a process beset by delays.

Further Context: https://www.lemonde.fr/en/international/article/2023/08/26/gabon-will-ali-bongo-ondimba-rule-for-another-five-years_6108971_4.html

"Gabon military officers claim power, say election lacked credibility Television announcement comes shortly after state election body announces incumbent Ali Bongo had won a third term as president.

A group of senior military officers has gone on national television in Gabon saying they have seized power because elections held over the weekend were not credible.

The officers, appearing on Gabon24 in the early hours of Wednesday morning, said they had cancelled the elections, dissolved all state institutions and closed the country’s borders.

They said they represented all security and defence forces of Gabon.

The announcement came shortly after the state election body said President Ali Bongo Ondimba had won a third term in office in Saturday’s disputed elections.

“In the name of the Gabonese people … we have decided to defend the peace by putting an end to the current regime,” the officers said.

The Gabonese Election Centre said Bongo had secured 64.27 percent of the vote compared with 30.77 percent for his main challenger Albert Ondo Ossa, after a process beset by delays.

Further Context: https://www.lemonde.fr/en/international/article/2023/08/26/gabon-will-ali-bongo-ondimba-rule-for-another-five-years_6108971_4.html

[stolen from Tony Zaret]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF DS9 THROUGHOUT

Okokok.

This is the first post in a series I plan to make depending on interaction.

I really want to delve deep into Marxist-Leninist's thoughts regarding these important issues affecting all of us in the Alpha quadrant.

Issues such as...

The Maquis. They're explicitly named after a French resistance group that included prominent communist leadership. They do a lil terrorism to preserve their land that was ceded to the enemy. This included their homes and farms.

But like are they kinda actin' like kulaks rn?

It's explained to us that all of the settlers were offered free and immediate resettlement. The Maquis refused on ideological grounds... in perhaps unfairly literal terms, their right to property. They could have been just as comfortable or even moreso had they took the Federation up on its offer, but their personal "connection to the land" (that was once again, a settlement or colony) is making them refuse to relocate.

Refusing to relocate threatens peace for the entire Federation. Cardassians, who have fought a long and bloody war in living memory against the Federation, now have an intergalactically recognized right to the land, including from the Federation itself. There is a horrible regional conflict playing out between settlers of either side and it seems to many like the Federation is too weak or too foolish to protect its people any longer.

Ben Sisko, in a chat with Eddington (IIRC), insinuates that he no longer believes that the correct choices were made when it came to the Maquis' existence or the plight of the settlers. I see a couple of things that could have happened had things turned out differently, from the Maquis becoming a paramilitary wing of the Federation (a la Azov in Ukraine, except this time it's based and not neo-Nazis), to the Federation actually affording a higher level of security in the region to protect against violence instead of letting Cardassian "peacekeepers" allow murder to occur.

What do you think of the Maquis, though? I synpathize with the connection element, but when we are aware that they were offered free, comfortable resettlement it certainly demystifies their ideological foundation.

I liked Section 31 and even found myself mostly agreeing with them and supporting their existence within the universe.

Starfleet Intelligence exists, of course. But intelligence can only go so far. An officially unaffiliated group that can bend the rules to defend the Federation, to defend fucking Eden, Gaia, the paradise that Earth has become is incredible! By any means necessary!

Ehheheh. Then, the attempted fucking genocide.

Oh, bother. I believe the showrunners intended to demonstrate in part how self-proclaimed "strong men who protect weak men" willing to justify the means at any cost tend not to be great, and giving these people completely unchecked power to kill and destroy is probably a bad idea. A major theme in the show is that killing and destroying is usually a bad idea anyway, so.

What do you think? Section 31: based successors of their NKVD and Stasi ancestors, or disturbed feds attempting to recreate the foreign policy of a thankfully long dead Amerika? Does their portrayal as le not epic genociders rub you the wrong way at all -- a bit Kilmonger-y maybe?

I wanna see some intense ass critique, comrades. I wanna see those downvotes pop off. 👎👎👎

In my cashier position, I met a lovely customer. She spoke beyond the corpo facade and engaged me as a human being, and I felt smitten with longing. Not necessarily romantic, not at all sexual. Just longing. For connection. Any kind. Please. I am beginning to know and love myself, let me share. We continued talking, it was a pleasure to see one another when she shopped. I asked for and received contact details.

I have been so in my head about achieving these ideas I'm so enamored with right now and growing as a person. Engaging women (and all others tbh) on equal ground as fully conscious, aware and sincere beings just as I am. Extrapolating my experience of possessing whole ass sentience onto others as an empathy exercise.

I had decided that I will be radically open and honest to the people I seek to form connections with, and I have been. It has been so interesting seeing how I interact with other people, so many other people (due to my job) and just getting to know myself.

So. Sososo. She's going to be out of town for a not insignificant amount of time. I like her a lot. We have a ton in common. She brought me wildflowers at work once. Of course, with how excited I am about le epic male feminist 💫 journey 💫 I'm on...

Well, we talked a bit. It felt reciprocal for a little while, but she didn't respond for a few days and I got a little in my head about it. I spammed her a bit (I was so excited to share!) and then sent a message after some reflection that I was gonna cool it on the spam, but that I was still thinking about her.

A few days go by without any exchange, I send her a text about how I miss my cats and I hope she's grateful for hers. She responds and we talk for a bit, then she mentions that she's interested in another guy but was afraid of hurting my feelings.

Okay.

I prepared for this.

I know how to relate.

I know that there are so many other interesting people who could make great partners for me.

I know what it's like to be liked and to not like back.

I genuinely want to be her friend if nothing else.

I send back the honest truth that of course I was a little disappointed and a little sad, but those were human reactions that I would allow to pass through me without struggle. That she did not hurt me, she did not do anything but exist. I hurt me, but it's only a scratch. I asked to see her crush, she sent pics, I said he was cute (he is).

Then I receive a message from her saying she's frustrated with me because I continued to pursue her romantically (or act flirtatiously etc.) when she indicated that she wasn't interested.

I got a little defensive. Woah, okay. I know when no means no, and it's always. She had mentioned prior her uncertainty regarding her capacity to even feel romantic intimacy, I figured that may have been what she was indicating.

I said "I can't read minds".

I had added up all the indicators of her potential romantic interest in me in my head and subtracted indicators of disinterest and had concluded erroneously that I was still in the positive. I understood now that it was expressed to me that there was no interest. I still want to be friends, and the hurt has already passed, because of those helpful things I know.

No, no. It was much worse.

She screenshotted a prior conversation we had had and sent it wherein she said

I don't see you how you see me

a text that I had misread a day prior as

I don't see how you see me

a text that I had interpreted as

I don't see myself how you are seeing me right now (due to potential self-esteem issues)

Based on conversations we had had, it'd be a fair interpretation... if I had read the original fucking text correctly the first time.

I don't see you how you see me

Fuck.

I am so sorry ohmygod I'm so fucking embarrased dude I literally u won't believe me b I fucking I misread omg

FUCK. God damn it.

I HAD PREPARED FOR THIS. I was ready to face rejection. I was not ready to face this, because I never wanted to be a part of anything like this! I do not continue to chase women after I become aware of their boundaries! I do take no for an answer, always! She told me I try to sell myself as a feminist while still partaking in the games of sexist men.

I most certainly did continue to act flirtatiously (calling her pretty, spamming, etc) after receiving and misreading that message.

Well. Part of the reason I wanted to connect with others was learning experiences. What did I learn? Read texts very, very carefully. Work on context clues and body language. Continue honing empathy and when somebody tells you something, listen rather than immediately jumping to defensiveness.

I apologized profusely and probably just made a bigger ass out of myself. I did explain myself and she said she knew I was really a nice guy, just that she was frustrated. She indicated that we could still be friends, I hope she meant it.

At least I know that I genuinely fucked up here without any conscious malice on my own part, and I am aware of the things I have to work on. I know and love myself, and I know I would not do such a thing consciously.

I wanted radical honesty and instead I completely missed what my conversational partner was telling me.

I am still quite lonely, although I am learning to appreciate myself as a roommate and friend. I am afraid to fuck up like this again. I hope this doesn't make me afraid to reach out to others. I guess if it does, I just have to work through the fear as I have been and bombard the patriarch inside me as I continue to.

Thank you for reading, comrades. Do you have any experience with unrequited feelings and not "getting the hint" (perhaps even as you are told directly... like some of us). Or perhaps someone did not get the hint about your feelings? Have you ever unconsciously broken a boundary?

title, unsure of placement 😵

Hello, comrades!

I have created this community in no small part because I have been focusing hard on deconstructing negative behaviors and habits socialized into me from birth. I have been focusing on personal, professional and revolutionary growth.

Importantly, I've been reading bell hooks' The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love. It's honestly brought me to tears more than a few times, and I'm only as of writing 60% of the way through it. I have not felt seen like this in what feels like a long time. Socialized and internalized patriarchal standards of living are actively destroying our potential as men to live, love, and achieve true self-actualization.

I highly recommend it to any man seeking to dismantle their internalized patriarchy. I also highly recommend it to feminist women and other non-men who innately fear us (rightly, much of the time), as hooks is intimately familiar with both the fear of males and male fear.

It is obvious that this manufactured fear cannot sustain life and love and it is up to all of us, regardless of gender or sex, to destroy the locus of this fear - as prof. hooks not-so-succinctly, yet aptly, puts it, imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy.

I desired to create a space where I, other men, and all others interested can discuss our issues regarding patriarchal conditioning and potentially how we are working to overcome them. It can also serve as a space for women and those who do not identify with manhood to ask questions of men, and hopefully gain some insight, if they are so inclined.

What do you think?

I also ask graciously of you, comrades, that if, in my language revolving around gendered oppression, I fail to achieve a proper standard of trans and gender non-conforming inclusivity, you correct me. No offense will be taken, thank you.

Throughout the entirety of the date, everything was reciprocated. There was, uncommon for me, even unprompted active flirtation from the person in question when the present conversation was not necessarily flirtatious - random sweet things.

It lasted over four hours. We talked about our intentions, our interests, our passions, our traumas. There were two hour+ phone calls prior to the date that contained much of the same personal conversation.

They asked me to kiss them, prompted only by the vibe of sitting on a park bench by a river surrounded by geese enveloped in the reflections of the sun on the ripples of said river. This has never happened to me before, I have always been the instigator - always the asker, never the asked - it was not considered a masculine or attractive trait during my childhood to be asked. I obliged. We kissed quite a few more times the rest of the night, by my initiative and theirs.

They complimented parts of myself that I hate, or at least find hard to love - my nose, my freckles, my hair. They made me feel both seen and beautiful and I did my best to reciprocate. I have not felt this way in years, I can't remember the last time I felt this way. It is only a first date, I know this. I know this. For like 50% of the date we were laughing and planning our second date, a potential third. We had talked about how things may change the more comfortable we became with one another, like hanging out at each others' houses. They talked about getting me a birthday present.

Date ends. Get home. We text about how wonderful the date was, when our schedules would align well next - the sooner the better. Two hours since the last message was sent, I see:

I am taken aback but I think, ok, sometimes these things happen. Rejection would be one thing. I wrote a message saying it was totally ok but I just wanted to know if it was possible to remain friends, and if they were comfortable telling me if I did anything wrong or could have done something better, but they had already blocked me on everything. I just don't understand. I'm starting to feel like something is seriously fucking wrong with me.

We had shows we agreed to watch together, games we agreed to play, and music we agreed to share. All gone in an instant without any recourse or explanation.

Am I acting entitled? Is this an extreme reaction to something trivial? I've been crying for a while. I've always considered myself an open book but I shared deeply personal things with this person. The connection was instant and nigh tangible.

I just wanted someone or some people to talk to. Most of my friends won't care. I'm living out of a hotel for now. I returned to this horrible, disgusting room with a smile on my face. I was ready to get some rest and do what needed to be done tomorrow with that same smile. Now it's 2am and I just lie here staring at the ceiling through soaked eyes tuning out the hotel cable until infomercials become little more than meaningless gibberish.

I'm trying to get better. I feel so fucking alone. They probably had a good reason for ending it so abruptly. Maybe they were scared of retaliation because I'm a man. I just wish I could know why. Is this type of hurt so fucking typical for "casual" dating? I am so drained, it's a fucked up thing to say but I wonder about chemical castration sometimes. Is there something similar for "romantic attraction", too? Because if this is at all typical, I'm ok. Count me out. I'm an adult and I still feel like a scared little kid.