chapotraphouse

Really easy recipe for salmon that I used all the time when I was off my meds and could barely fathom getting a plate out of the cupboard.

Get a salmon filet out of the freezer. You haven’t been shopping in weeks, but buy these in bulk, so there’s just a pile of them in an otherwise empty freezer.

Put the filet in a little pan. The pan is still on the stove because this has been every meal for 3 days.

Put some water in the pan. Enough to have about half the salmon covered. If you put too much water in, you’re now making British food, which is gross. Your ADHD is ravaging your life. You will almost certainly forget about the pan while cooking it for a minute or two and water stops it from creating a toxic cloud of Tony Chachere’s or from burning the one side of the salmon.

Dump in some seasoning. Get the amount wrong several meals in a row until you figure out the kind and amount that you want.

Cover with a lid and cook. The water will boil. You’ll probably wanna flip it at some point. Again, fuck this up repeatedly meal after meal until you figure out what works best. You’ll overcook it. You’ll undercook it. Eventually you’ll figure out the right amount of water, seasoning, and time to somehow make boiled salmon flaky and tasty without endangering yourself.

Dump the water. Eat it out of the pan with a plastic fork. Do not think about microplastics. Stand in the kitchen for about an hour. What do you do for that hour? Who’s to say? This whole process probably already took you about 2 hours for some reason.

If you ever get medicated again, you’ll be pretty good at cooking salmon. This is more or less how I’ve learned every single dish I’m good at making. Get depressed, prepare it as an obsession food, and just iterate until your life has a hint of joy in it.

Do not add ketchup, you heathen.