chat

8168 readers

168 users here now

Chat is a text only community for casual conversation, please keep shitposting to the absolute minimum. This is intended to be a separate space from c/chapotraphouse or the daily megathread. Chat does this by being a long-form community where topics will remain from day to day unlike the megathread, and it is distinct from c/chapotraphouse in that we ask you to engage in this community in a genuine way. Please keep shitposting, bits, and irony to a minimum.

As with all communities posts need to abide by the code of conduct, additionally moderators will remove any posts or comments deemed to be inappropriate.

Thank you and happy chatting!

founded 3 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

its official my partner is ace and aromantic (hexbear.net)

submitted 7 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

62 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I thought she just didn't want to do sex stuff or cuddle or show affection..

Anyway I just thought it was important to let the world know that you can be volcel army and still be in a committed ten year relationship. In fact isn't that what true comradeship is built on?

Weapons grade cope aside, I think I'm one of those weird types of humans who needs affection and so on. Am I really going to have to start dating again? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

But if they’re ace they don’t experience sexual attraction???

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

Sorta my bad for trying to make this comment both general and specific, that makes it a bit confusing, but I will say that OP and her partner have had a sexual relationship in the past, so if nothing else, her partner hasn't always been ace. That doesn't mean that you can negotiate them out of it, that doesn't mean that there is definitely some way to her partner having sexual desire any more that doesn't mean that her partner isn't happy with being ace, I just take issue with any attempt to rebuild what existed in the past through effort and communication being called "harassment".

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Ace, while a spectrum, is specifically about the lack of sexual attraction. Trying to “rebuild attraction” IS harassment. ace people (it is a spectrum so it does vary) can actually have sexual desire (varies from person to person) but they generally (not always) they specifically do not have attraction

You might already know this sorry

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

so if nothing else, her partner hasn’t always been ace.

Aces engage in sex. Engaging in sex doesn't mean she isn't ace. And just because someone doesn't want to have sex doesn't mean they're not ace. Ace just means a like of sexual attraction to others. Sex can still be fun without sexual attraction, so some aces regularly engage in sex because they want to.

On the other hand, there's already a lot of society pressure to engage in sex and a lot of aces just do it because they feel they're expected to. And many people don't realize they are ace for a long time (for me, I realized in my late 20's and there's lots of people who realize a lot later). I think it tends to more be women who realize so later because they assume all women lack sexual attraction and only engage in it as part of their duties as a good partner to satisfy their partner's needs.

I just take issue with any attempt to rebuild what existed in the past through effort and communication being called “harassment”.

My comment was in the context of this specific case. I wasn't making a general claim. Communication is good. Which seems to have been happening over the last few years. Their partner's design to no longer engage in sexual activities seems to have been made extremely clear. Ignoring that and continuing to try to pressure them into sex is harassment.