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154

Utah School Districts Discourage Teachers from Informing Parents of Student Gender Transitions (www.nationalreview.com)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

63 comments fedilink hide all child comments

"That isn't happening"

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[–] [email protected] 95 points 5 months ago (5 children)

I can see how people raised in stable loving families think 'why shouldnt the parents know?' But I was raised by a raging narcissist, if dad slept bad a head-punch during breakfast was not uncommon. First memory I have is being hurt by my dad...

If I were trans this would have sealed my fate; killed via 'exorcism'

If the kid doesnt want their parents to know about their gender identity well that isnt a bad kid, those are bad parents. Yes really.

Believe you me, the good parents dont need the school to tell them, they already know because a child that feels safe will just tell you. If you really love them you will already know anyways just from paying attention to them.

I know people with mental diagnosis who support this shit. Try explaining to them that they are one the list of undesirables too, or dont if you value your time and sanity.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 5 months ago

Exactly. If the parents don't already know, there's a reason.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago (13 children)

It's a pro child abuse tactic by right wing child abuse fans.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I tried to explain this shit to my own dad when telling him that I would rather the schools keep that kind of info to himself and he just kept pushing that I would change my mind when my daughter was born. Somehow, it was inconceivable to him that informing parents of this kind of thing puts children at risk of emotional and physical harm.

Guess what: I still believe the same now that my daughter is born because I know there are shit parents out there who would torture their children for not conforming. I'm going to do everything I can to instill the kind of trust my daughter needs to tell me if she's part of the LGBT community. And if she doesn't feel comfortable? Then I've failed.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If my child is not comfortable telling me, then my job as a parent is to simply provide love and care untill they do feel comfortable, and if they never do for whatever reason (people are complicated and its not always mom and dads fault) then my job is to accept that fact and continue to provide love and care

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

As someone who took her time before telling a parent she knew would be supportive, you have the exact right attitude. Sometimes you’re afraid of your parent. Sometimes you’re afraid because it’s huge and telling a parent is huge and it will change the relationship and even if it’s only in positive ways that’s still a big thing.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

You know, I had my doubts about my parents ability as parents, but they always repeated I'd understand after I had my own. And they were right. After I had my kid I realized what a shit job they did parenting. They mostly meant well, but clearly not enough to read a book about it.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Exactly. I was disowned when I came out at 20. Telling my mom would’ve been bad because it would’ve denied me an important moment in our lives, and an opportunity for her to support me on our terms. Telling my then father would’ve just made him stop talking to me as a teenager.

Other kids face physical violence. It’s not uncommon for a trans person to be murdered by a parent.

This idea that parents have a right to know everything about their child will get kids killed. But kids aren’t people like parents are to many people

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Im sorry you had to deal with that. I flipped the script on them, support this crap and they are gone, dissowned, refered to as 'the biggot formerly know as <insert name>', I'll talk about them as though they are sub-human, see how they like it.

Some relatives arent invited to my wedding because although I dont like my sil's spouse on a personal level, they are trans, they are invited and they will be protected. I would rather spend time with someone decent who I dont get along with than someone biggoted who I used to get along with.

I hope you are in a good place in life now, stay strong. It will take time but conservatives always lose to the inevitable march of progress. They've been losing, and that is why they are so mad

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

"It's not uncommon for a trans person to be murdered by a parent..." could you share news stories about this? It would be helpful to have facts, but I've not seen any myself.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

So a quick search I just found this for actual murders. https://www.advocate.com/crime/2021/3/04/trans-and-nonbinary-siblings-shot-death-mother-charged But if you count suicide because of the parents then there's a lot more like these. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leelah_Alcorn

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I have a trans child, and they were terrified to tell me, but not because of anything I did. They ended up coming out to me multiple times because I didn't react the way they were told to expect.

They have plenty of trans friends whose lives would be much worse if their parents knew. I don't think any school has the right to reveal that kind of information before a kid is ready.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Stay strong, all we have to do to win is refuse to give up or give in

[–] [email protected] 48 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (4 children)

Good chance they'll be kicked out of their home or worse. There's an epidemic of lgbt youth homelessness nationwide, and it's even worse in Utah for obvious reasons. Schools should not be carte blanche informing parents without permission from the student, it's a safety issue. Reading their full guidance for teachers in another comment above it's making some very reasonable suggestions to help ensure student safety.

https://www.upr.org/utah-news/2012-06-11/utah-one-of-the-worst-places-to-be-lgbt-and-homeless

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/homelessness-and-housing-instability-among-lgbtq-youth-feb-2022/

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

Religion is child abuse, doubly so for LGBT kids

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago (1 children)

From a comment to the article:

Dolphan

Feb 22

I contacted a member of the State Education Board, who contacted the Alpine School District. This is what I received back: "I reached out to Alpine school district and asked if they would confirm what we read here. I have received the following response.

Recently, the National Review published an article referencing an Alpine School District document containing guidelines for respecting gender identity. We shared this document with all administrators districtwide two years ago following the Utah State statute. The article misrepresented Alpine School District in what administrators and teachers can and cannot do when it comes to informing parents of students' requests regarding gender identity.

To clarify, we as educators are not required to report a student's gender identity unless the student requests informally or formally to be referred to by a different pronoun or name. In this situation, we communicate to the student that we can only honor that request if parents are notified and agree upon the request. The information shared in this article was taken out of context, and, unfortunately, the article communicates that the district somehow withholds information from parents. We value our partnership with our parents, and we, the district, do not hold information from parents that is under our purview to share in support of students."

It would seem someone is not correct or at least not communicating correctly. That would be either NR or Alpine School District. That they choose not to comment or clarify to NR is puzzling. That they did clarify to the State School Board is not so puzzling. Hopefully the above clarification is accurate and reflects actual practice at the classroom level.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

That's weird. The National Review giving horseshit slanted reporting related to LGBTQ rights? What next?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Remember the go old days when teachers…

checks notes

Taught classes?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

I mean....most of my teachers were pretty cool, and we're caring compassionate humans with a passion for teaching. Most. And a lot of my friends from different schools didn't even have most. I know 3 people who got ratted on to their parents by their teachers that they were gay. And this was like late 90s early 00s. Luckily they had cool parents who didn't beat the living shit out of them or kick them out or worse.. but that's absolutely something that has happened forever.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

If anyone wants more context, you can read the document here.

The advice on the subject of informing parents reads:

Telling parents

Note that the ACLU is very protective of a student's right to privacy in his/her sexuality. If a school employee believes that "a situation exists which presents a serious threat to the well-being of a student," the employee must notify parents without delay. (Utah Code 53A- 13-302(6)(b)(i)). Other than a threatening situation, volunteering known information about a student's sexuality with parents is not advised.

Consider the following factors in making a determination about talking to parents:

Age of students

Whether student is being bullied based on sexuality or gender identity

Student requests

Knowledge of parents' relationship with students

What if a student asks to be called a preferred name/pronoun and parents object? Unless the student is 18, parents' requests should govern.

Seems pretty reasonable to me.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That documents allignment is lawfull evil

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Not evil enough it seems, based on the fact that reactionary types are apparently getting their knickers in a twist over it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

The law itself is reactionary to societies growing acceptance of LGBTQ+

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (2 children)

What if a student asks to be called a preferred name/pronoun and parents object? Unless the student is 18, parents’ requests should govern.

This part makes no sense to me. Don't inform parents unless the student is OK with it. But if the parent tells the teacher to call the blank and the student disagrees, ignore the student. Is that just to prevent the teacher screwing up and calling the student by their preferred name to the parents accidentally?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

Why the fuck does a student need permission from their parents to be addressed how they want to be addressed?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I don't think so - to me it seems more about weighing up the student's need vs the parents' decision. The school district want to honor the student's wishes as much as possible but if they are <18 they are not legally an adult, so the school ultimately should defer to the parents.

Sensible from legal standpoint, even though it would suck for the student.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

It's a really dumb take too, though. What if a student named Annabel wants to be called Anna? When Jacob wants to be called Jake? Do the parents really need to be involved in that? When do we let children start making decisions about their own lives? When they want to take on thousands in student loans at 17? When they don't do their work and are permanently punished for it? Are they adults or not?

Not arguing with you, just pointing things out.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

but if they are <18 they are not legally an adult, so the school ultimately should defer to the parents.

But then what about the rest of these recommendations that say not to tell the parent anything if the child doesn't wish it? Does the child get to make the decisions on how they present themselves and their identity and who gets to know that or not?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

When I was a kid, teachers only called your parents if you were failing. Some of the teachers didn't even do that.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Clickbait title.

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