neurodiverse

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What is Neurodivergence?

It's ADHD, Autism, OCD, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, aspd, etc etc etc etc

“neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior”

So, it’s very broad, if you feel like it describes you then it does as far as we're concerned

Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven't personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you're ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another's, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who's experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm'd.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don't be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed

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I still have a major crush on someone I haven't talked to in nearly decade. (hexbear.net)

submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I just have to get this off my chest but I can't talk about it too anyone who knows me in real life.

About ten years I started a new job an instantly hit off with a co-worker. We had a ton of similar interests and she was super easy for my anti social self to talk too And holy shit the level of pure chemistry we had, I didn't even know that was possible. Only problem was I was married and she was engaged.

Over the next couple years we managed to keep our hands off each other only because one of us anyways had to stay sober enough to drop the other off and we both knew drunk consent isn't consent. We became the kinda friends that know things about each other no other person does. But things never went farther than the rare nude or a hand that would linger too long in passing.

Once I quit that job we both broke off all contact and I haven't talked to her since. I'm married thirteen years now, last I checked she was married with kids. And yet I still can't get her out of my mind. All of my best dreams are about her. I honestly think that if there was one thing I could fix about my life it would be to go back and make it work with her.

This is a really shitty feeling I haven't been able to get over for ten years. Maybe getting it out there will help and this ain't the kind of shit I could tell anyone in real life.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If you haven't talked to them for ten years, then you do not have crush on them. You have a crush on an idealized person that existed a decade ago.
Anyway I get the feeling, it sucks and it's hard. Focus on the joy you and your wife bring each other.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

This. Sure, you had chemistry, but you didn't even have a romantic relationship then. Take care of your wife. Fall back in love with her. Speaking from experience, comrade.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Don't mistake this for love. This phenomenon is called limerence, and it can be very toxic in the long run.

This happened to me once. I met them two years later, and I realized that my attraction wasn't really about that person - indeed, I was bored on that date - but about feeling wanted, desired, and understood.

I wasn't needed. I wasn't someone to this person soley for the purpose to console them, to comfort them, to heal their damaged psyche from a traumatic childhood. We were there searching for a companion to be happy with. It felt like acceptance and understanding, a transcendent and tranquil state after emotional catharsis and reconciliation from past trauma and regret. Still, the moment had passed and that was the last I saw of them.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago

Appreciate you introducing me to the idea of "limerance"

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I know it's not love, just a crush and one on some who doesn't even really exist. Wasn't familiar with the word but Limerence is pretty spot on except I know it was reciprocated way back then and fortunately these feeling mostly come in waves so it's not something I have to deal with all the time.

Researchers Willmot and Bentley note that there is a consistent correlation between limerence and those with anxiety, depression, and substance use.

Couldn't be me

I wasn't needed. I wasn't someone to this person solely for the purpose to console them, to comfort them, to heal their damaged psyche from a traumatic childhood.

Holy shit do I feel that. Hell that may even be a big part of it. My dumb ass always fell for the most broken people, she might have been the first/only person I was ever interested in who wasn't just a bundle of trauma and mental health problems.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

I still think about past people that I loved and cared about. I don't fantasize about a future or what ifs but acknowledge the humanity and comfort I felt when dipping into nostalgia.

Ready to read a cheesy proverb? Be grateful that you had those moments and cherish them; it is you who wields those emotions and memories not the other way around.

You were once loved, are loved, and will be loved.