submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 72 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"Ay, you ever heard of Lemmy? Lemmy get your number?"

[-] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

I would use this, if I met people IRL that have heard of Lemmy.

[-] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago

Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven? Because you look pretty fucked up.

[-] [email protected] 28 points 4 weeks ago

A guy on Tinder sent my friend a Patrick meme that said "Is mayonnaise an ice breaker?" I, a big Spongebob nerd, told her to pick that guy. They're married now.

[-] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

Are you a beaver? 'Cos DAM

[-] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

(shoutout to the absolutely fantastic Sophie Corrigan who creates a lot of really beautiful art for bad pun lines like this one)

[-] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago

The longest relationship I ever had started this way: we were at a mutual friend's house with a bunch of our friends. I introduced myself, then sat across the room from them, in a big comfortable chair, and I fell asleep while looking at them. For some reason they thought this was charming.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 4 weeks ago

???????????? lmao

[-] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

"I could pick up girls even in my sleep"

[-] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?

[-] [email protected] 18 points 4 weeks ago

“I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies.”

“If I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little?”

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

Now those are pickup lines with some chest hair!

[-] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

Now, remember the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents.

Have sex with them and you're in.

[-] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Im happy single so one of y’all can have this one.

Are you a cigarette? Cause I wanna get you lit and put your butt in my mouth.

Savage one. If you see two girls in a club, go over and ask the one you are NOT interested in if they’d like to dance. When they say yes, say go on then I’ll keep your friend company.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago

and whats the plan when they say no

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

Can you get hold of zip ties and how is your stomach for blood?

[-] [email protected] 14 points 4 weeks ago

"I'm here to apply for the position of your Next Bad Decision. My parents always said I was a mistake, so I think that makes me well qualified."

That's literally how I got my wife.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago
[-] [email protected] 10 points 4 weeks ago

I heard one in Spanish that I liked.

"¡Si cocinas como camina me como hasta las raspitas!"

If you cook the way you walk, I'll eat even the scrapings from the pan.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Y’ever seen someone solve a Rubik’s cube in just 5 seconds?

Yeah, me neither.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

[silently hands over 3d puzzle]

[-] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago
[-] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Pull my finger.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 4 weeks ago

"What do you know about bionicles lore?"

[-] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago
[-] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Are you a plates in a drawer or plates in a cupboard kind of person?

I'm sure it'll work one of these days.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

People put plates in drawers? I don't think I've seen anyone do that ever

[-] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Drawer gang

[-] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago
[-] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

No reason, it just says a lot about you as a person.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 4 weeks ago

so, what can you say about me?

[-] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

well for one that you're probably taller than 1m20 :)

[-] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Hi! So what do you think of assimilation?

[-] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

I don't know if it's a pick up line, but when I get a girls number I immediately send her a picture of a rooster and ask if she likes unsolicited cock pics.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 4 weeks ago

I used to do that with Dick pics. Dick van Dyke, Dick Nixon, Andy Dick, Philip K. Dick ...

[-] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

[rolls D20 in front of her or on video. Nat 1.] Okay here goes nothing - [following my worst pickup line]

[-] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Hey are you trying to blind me? Cause dang your clothes are stunning

[-] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

"you're pretty"

[-] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Oh fuck, I dropped this entire pack of cards on the ground. Can you help me?

[-] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Me literally picking up a huge box with a fella: "don't you let go"

[-] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I'd be interested to know that myself as I've usually been so out of it quite what happened is unclear.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

Lift and bonk later?

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this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2024
51 points (84.0% liked)


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