this post was submitted on 27 Apr 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 40 comments
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[–] [email protected] 77 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Hi Tom,

I was just taking a look at your resume, and your experience at Deceased really caught my eye! I'm especially interested in your knowledge of being missed by friends and family. Did you know that complications from heart surgery is in high demand right now?

I'm a head hunter looking for dynamic individuals who are interested in positions at an exciting new startup, and I think you'd be a perfect fit!

I hope we get a chance to chat soon!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

Turns out to be an insurance phone salesperson job 9/10.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

A head hunter is how he got this job in the first place!

[–] [email protected] 56 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Dang. Even he got a new job. My "not selected for the position" emails are at 376 currently.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

The new normal. You're lucky if an actual person reads your application nowadays.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I'm so exhausted. Just shoveling resumes into the void.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

2019 - Present

Professional Resume Void Shoveler

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Think of resumes like SEO. You just gotta have the right key words- best way is to pull the text from the job desc of what you’re applying to

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

I liked feeding the details to https://www.jobscan.co/ when I was displaced ~`2016.

The unfortunate truth is that you need an inside contact for many of the roles.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm starting a job search today and dreading it. There are only like 5 positions open right now that fit with my skills and also pay even close to a livable amount of money, so that's not great. Deceased sounds like a great opportunity at this point - no commute and you don't need a living wage if you're not living.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Nah, dude. Just wait until the deceased field gets oversaturated. All the hordes of people wandering pointlessly, everybody trampling over everyone else trying to eat the organs of the living...it's a dead end job that'll get worse with time.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You get those emails? Nice.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

(Gets a job by knowing someone) I can explain!

You didn't have to interview? I had to go to through three interviews!

I'd love to get an interview. All I get are rejection emails.

You guys are getting responses?

[–] [email protected] 53 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Oh wow this is real.

Nice, someone congratulated him in the comments. 😂

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago

My retirement plans be like:

[–] [email protected] 40 points 3 months ago

Dead end job

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 months ago

This man has won capitalism

[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 months ago

I'm gonna lie and put deceased on my resume too. They never check.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago

Great profession, perfect 0/0 work/life balance.

[–] therealjcdenton 21 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 months ago

Working in the cloud

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Literally the opposite. Unless he goes with cremation rather than burial, of course.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If you have a trebuchet or cannon or something to launch the urn or casket with, sure 🤷

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I mean, a rocket will get you past the sky, so...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Depends whether or not you define outer space as part of "the sky". As a Browncoat, I say it is, adding that you can't take it from me 😉

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Talk about job security

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

It's always hard to see others living your dreams.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Guaranteed this guy talked about how no one wants to work anymore, or provided 'insights' on leadership/project management

[–] [email protected] 34 points 3 months ago (1 children)

IDK why I’m sticking up for a dead stranger this early but… is this kinda unfair cuz it’s just ageism? Dude might’ve been a saint or Hitler. (No, nothing in between!)

If you’re good at reading faces I have to take back the ageism accusation :)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

I'm currently looking for work at the cemetery as a deceased person hmu if you know anyone hiring

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

New CEO and intern and janitor at None

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Nobody anymore