this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2024
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[–] [email protected] 206 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 40 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (6 children)

Do You want an even dumber version of Christianity?

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Lets not. I thought for awhile "hehe lets see how dumb we can go before people stop and realize how dumb they are". But they're not stopping. Everyday they surprise me with how incredibly fucking dumb the average person is.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (3 children)

I have some spare lumber we can use.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago
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[–] [email protected] 162 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Man, I must have missed that day in Sunday School when they taught that Jesus cheated on his wife with a sex worker and then used money from his carpentry business to have his lawyer cover it up so he wouldn't lose credit when running for the office of Roman prefect.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 5 months ago (8 children)
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[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago

Don't forget the time Jesus told his disciples that when you're rich, women let you grab them by the pussy.

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Is she really Christian? Because she violated at least three commandments in one sentence.

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[–] [email protected] 53 points 5 months ago (6 children)

jesus, also a billionaire, oh wait

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Jesus hated money lenders. Trump relies on them.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

~~money lenders~~ money lauderers

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (2 children)

That's the one time in the new testament (that I can recall) where Jesus got pissed, started whipping people.

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[–] [email protected] 53 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I'm surprised she didn't extend that to, "and both were persecuted by Jews!"

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (4 children)

That would be a great counterexample to the anti-zionism == anti-semitism law. Zionist and anti-semitic 🔥🤯

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago (1 children)

As a Jew who does not support Israel's apartheid or genocide (I'm not even particularly interested in visiting apart from the archaeology) and does not believe in any sort of ethnostate, I consider myself a better counterexample.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Do you even exist? 🧐 May I see some identification please? Anything to prove you're a real jew?

/heavysarcasm-nonemeantforreal

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

Zionism has always been antisemitic.

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The same person who also said the Jews have secret space lasers. 🤔

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago

The same ones they used to kill Christ.

[–] [email protected] 49 points 5 months ago (5 children)

I came into this thread thinking, "huh, I thought MTG liked Trump". It literally didn't occur to me that she wasn't making fun of him. How can you possibly call Trump a convicted felon, compare him to the perfect son of God, and still think you're a serious person? It's insane

[–] otter 20 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I was just wondering how a card game had an opinion at all 😅

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Haha yeah, I automatically tried to write her name as MtG first time around

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Might I suggest "EmptyG" to avoid future confusion?

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Just like Trump, Jesus was famous for stiffing carpenters back in the day.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Modern Day Donald Trump: Doesn't pay contractors

Historical Sexy Gay Jesus: Stiffs other carpenters

You're falling victim to a translation error.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

When I worked as operations manager in a contracting company we had an installer named Jesus. He was a young guy, illegal immigrant trying to support his family back home.

I was gonna tell a funny anecdote about how he smoked a joint on lunch break and ended up installing a door backwards and trapped an old lady in her house, but then I remembered that my boss would hire illegals like him because he could get away with paying them far below minimum wage and fire them for any passing mood he had, he delighted in punishing struggling people and didn't view them as human. I, the only white guy working with them and I started there counting screws and doing all the same shit work they did, learned a lot of really funny or vulgar spanish, I got to know them all as people and made friends and I wonder even nearly 20 years later what happened to some of them.

Jesus was deported when my boss called a "tip" into immigration services because he thought Jesus was lazy. Jesus was 19, it was not only his first job, it was his first job in a foreign country surrounded by people he doesn't know, living alone, no education or legal protection. He needed help, not cruelty.

So yeah, when people say "Jesus was treated unfairly" I always nod in agreement.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 months ago (1 children)

OK, just crucify Trump, and look what happens (or not) on the third day...

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Of all the possible similarities to biblical Jesus that one could pick, that is definitely one.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (2 children)

For Trump? That's pretty much the only one.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

To be fair, Trump also hangs out with prostitutes. The difference there is how the prostitutes were treated.

He does have a lot in common with Paul though. Asshole, telling people what to do while not giving a shit what Jesus said, hating homosexuals, and telling people how pious he is. Oh, and Republicans also care more about what he has to say than what Jesus said.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago (4 children)

I'm pretty sure Stormy Daniels did a lot of things with Trump, but washing his feet with her tears was not one of the things she did when his wife was pregnant.

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[–] PancakeBrock 26 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Am I the only one who sees her name and thinks "why is magic the gathering saying political stuff?"

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them? It was like his main thing or whatever. She's right. No wonder they worship Donnie.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them?

Famously tricked an entire wedding party into thinking a jug of water was delicious wine. Pushed quack medicine to "resurrect" fellow con-man Lazarus of Bethany and treat mental illness by herding a pack of 30-50 wild hogs off a cliff. Trashed an entire temple to clear a bad loan to some money changers. Pretended to get crucified and then slipped off three days later, after his buddy Judas Iscariot had absconded with 30 pieces of silver.

"Don't worry guys! I'll be back any day now!" Hasn't been seen in over 2000 years.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago

You know, comparing people to God is basically blasphemy already. Not that I trust people who genuinely support Trump to understand anything about their own religion - or anything really.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Turning things around, I don't think Jesus is just like Trump.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (6 children)

Jesus wasn't orange... for one.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago (3 children)

So we are listening to magic: the gathering now?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago

Someone else called her Empty-G, which is more fitting.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Broken record here, but isn't he basically the false prophet antichrist we were warned about at this point?

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Just like HER Jesus, that is.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

"He's just like me frfr"


Jesus apparently

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Ah, but the difference..

Yehoshua "Jesus" ( Iosa, actually, according to a Roman friend I had ) benJoseph was:

  • falsely-convicted
  • by legalists
  • whom benJoseph had consistently shown to be hypocrites, &
  • they were using legalism to convict him, to get even with him.

Trump, however, admitted in court that "Mother Theresa couldn't beat these charges" or something like that:

Trump was convicted:

  • fair & square
  • honestly,
  • of actual-crimes
  • he himself committed.

"Just like Jesus" my arse.

_ /\ _

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Its really sad to see someone so absolutely full of shit that they have to unload it on the public

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

And she is a Putin Puppet.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Will we one day get treated to the sight of MTG going down on a life-sized Trump sex doll on the stage in front of a thousand MAGats, all speaking in tongues?

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