this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
881 points (98.9% liked)

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[–] [email protected] 83 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, my cats going to have a field day with that.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago

scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch

[–] [email protected] 59 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Every once in a while I get a Uline catalog sent to me.I have looked at that same sort of industrial Jumbo roll. Very tempting.

[–] [email protected] 74 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

If it's the uline jumbo rolls my work gets... Please don't.

Your asshole will thank me

[–] [email protected] 63 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

You just gotta keep using it until your anus naturally builds up callouses.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 weeks ago

I rarely physically shudder from text

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I too try to only shit on company time

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago

They're called union shits around here. Even if you're not in one lol.

Also combine shitty to with expensive bidet. Best of both worlds.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

My wife keeps telling me that...

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 weeks ago

Is it the high gloss stuff, or the 80 grit option?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Does it flake like a French pastry?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I only wipe my ass with croissants to keep my cheeks buttery smooth

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm fairly certain those words have never been uttered in that order in the entirety of human history. Bravo.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Nor should they ever again.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

Plus side, it's basically impossible to clog your toilet with that stuff. It's effectively pipe grease.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Try a bidet first. I still use TP to dry off the wet, but way less TP.

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Single ply, extra thin, just like our corporate overlords intended it.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Thing's so top heavy he's gonna barely touch it and the whole thing will go toppling into the bathtub and instantly absorb 10x its weight in water.

Just like that, 42 cents down the drain.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Bro that tp is gonna melt in the water whole homeboy watches like that devastated raccoon.

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

One of my neighbors owns a restaurant. When covid hit, they dropped boxes of gloves, hand sanitizer, and those rolls of TP off for everyone on the street. I still have one

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 weeks ago

That is a solidly decent neighbour.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 weeks ago

At least the tp is oriented in the right direction.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

Nice, that might last my wife one, maybe two days.

[–] Vlyn 11 points 3 weeks ago

The secret is a bidet. Much cleaner and suddenly I spend a third on toilet paper compared to before (you still use some for drying and checking).

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

💯he stole that from a public bathroom

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

“You can’t spare one square!?”

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I don't have a square to spare!

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago

I was hella poor in college, and constantly using Taco Bell napkins and such for toilet paper. One day at school I found one of these rolls that was left on the counter in the bathroom. I immediately put that shit in my backpack and took it home. It felt like I had won the lottery! No need to worry about toilet paper for like 6 months!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If you can fit it on your roll holder why wouldn't you? That's just good sense right there

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Someone's university has CH-751 locks on their toilet roll dispensers, and is missing a roll...

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

This is the lock picking lawyer and what I have for you today really wipes out the competition.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I still have 2 rolls of that stuff from back when there was no TP in the store and it was all I could find. Never did end up using them, but I guess I'm set if it happens again!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Let’s hope he had some high capacity magazines to match

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

~~Shopping in bulk~~

Stealing in bulk

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

You use it like a knife-sharpeners' wheel.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

For the poop knife?

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

That could kill a man rolling down a hill

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

His work's supply cabinet.

Rock on, man.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

Garbage toilet paper found often at the workplace. People especially poor in money and/or taste will sometimes use it in their homes.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

Shitting in bulk i see.

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