Asklemmy

I want to be played by a dog

My life isn't very interesting, but it'd really spice things up if they had a dog try to do it.

Aubrey Plaza. She’s way hotter than me (that’s kinda the point), and not half Japanese (will make the racist parts confusing and/or hilarious) but she could definitely pull off my resting bitch face and general disdain for everything.

Ed Sheeran. Specifically because he's not an actor and would stumble through the movie just like I stumbled through life. All ginger, no plan.

Danny Devito.

...I'm a woman.

I'm pretty tall, so the logical choice would be Tom Cruise on 12 inch heels.

Brad Pitt.

Bit of a downgrade but I can live with it.

Gary Oldman, dude's a chameleon. I'm sure he could find a way to play a mid 30s SE Asian dude

I want my movie to be cast entirely with Muppets and Tim Walz.

Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe, and Gary Oldman. All of them.

David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, with a made-up face surgery scene mid-film to explain the change.

Nice try FBI

Zac Efron.

The girl I was crushing on in high school crushed on him really hard as he appeared in High School Musical. I spent wayyyy too much of my youth trying to emulate Zac Efron as a result. Eventually, that whole style just kinda became my whole style. Seems like a good fit.

Nicolas Cage

Looks nothing like, but it would be funny as hell and in order to get him to sign up, they would have to make it somehow trippy and surreal.

John Malkovich, I don't know why. I just like him. And I think he would be kind in my portrayal.

Karl Pilkington. he would do a great job of complaining about every minor inconvenience I've dealt with

Lady Gaga

I bear no resemblance. I can't sing. I just think she's neat.

Adrien Brody.

I'm told, quite often, I look like him. Plus he's a method actor or whatever do we would get to hang out which might be cool. He seems nice.

I’ve been told more than once that I look like “that creepy Scarecrow guy from Batman Begins.” So I guess Cillian Murphy. I didn’t like looking creepy tho.

I look like a middle-aged Richard Gere, with hair loss. All action on the sides, and nothing on top.

People say I look like Carrie Ann Moss (Trinity) but as a child I had more Lucy Lawless resemblances. So I don't know, but either case they'll have to get a tan cause I'm more of a Penelope Cruz skin tone.

For the 5% of my adult life that I’ve had short hair and no beard: Quentin Tarantino. For the rest of my bearded, long-haired adulthood: Steve Burke from Gamers Nexus. But they need to have blue/green eyes and forehead wrinkles.
(Huh. On paper that just sounds like I look like Nick Offerman, but not really.)

Rowan Atkinson.

Was hoping to see Margot Robbie in here requesting Margot Robbie play her

No question at all, definitely Tim Robbins, although he is older than me, we are fan casting.

Jason Mamoa. I look like if he took a break from the gym for a year. He and I also share several hobbies.

John Cusack (high fidelity)

Melissa McCarthy, she has a good sense of humor which is great because my life is kind of a joke.

Gary Busey in cheap drag

Some lonely sad miserable and depressed actor