Could your wife just be being a good partner and offering to help shoulder the load?
this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2024
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Transfem
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thats what i hope for
so, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like your financial problems are causing a strain on you both, but you don't want to cede control over the finances because you've tied your sense of self-worth to your status as the breadwinner?
I've been there myself, but that didn't work out for entirely separate reasons; she's still my best friend (she's just straight). Looking back, I feel gross about wanting her to be dependent on me but not being okay with being dependent on her. I get there's different types of dependence, and emotional is just as important as financial, but still...
Maybe it would help to reframe this as a tenporary support to get to where you need to be, instead of a new normal. This can be your chance to focus on transition, or mental health, or career aspirations; it doesn't have to be you saddling her with more responsibilities and becoming a deadweight.
but you don’t want to cede control over the finances because you’ve tied your sense of self-worth to your status as the breadwinner?
that's not it.
i wouldnt mind handing that status off, but i do mind that she wont be able to pursue her creative career while out cleaning some shitty offices.
im sorry it did not work out for you.
but who said anything about me becoming a deadweight wth? i didnt quit. i still have a job. i should just remove this
I feel for you friend. Keep on keeping on. I'm here for you