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If they ask for an explanation and complain about being given an excuse, then they don't want to hear the series of events which occurred. They want to hear which of your character flaws is responsible and that you're ashamed of that flaw.
Source: drag speaks fluent neurotypical
Oh, yeah, I think it's just a speech figure to win the debate.
Some boss-normies constantly do this to up the pressure and you stress levels.
I just stated to either fully ignore such questions or give beck bullshit one-liners ('bcs I know what I'm doing', 'it was the best resources allowed', 'bcs I deliver & achieve goals, and this one is achieved', etc.).
But it's all just leader bullshit.
When I get that line, I end the conversation. As politely as is just necessary.
I refuse to be scolded and lectured like a child, and if it's a work setting, I would probably fire off a couple resumés that very evening.
I'm too old to demean myself in the workplace. I am of equal value as everyone else in the company, even if some ~~make~~ are paid more money and can assign tasks to me. That doesn't make them higher-ups.
This exchange centers on excuse vs explanation.
An excuse intends to justify or remove blame.
An explanation simply retells the events without motivation or justification.
If someone ever says "I don't want your excuse" simply reply "I'm explaining what happened without excusing anything. Would you like to hear that?"
An excuse removes responsibility.
A reason does not.
"You are excused" means you no longer are responsible for the outcome.
"I literally wasn't present when it happened, so I'm not responsible for the outcome" < excuse, which can be valid
"I knew what was going to happen, here is why I did it for a good reason" < reason
Example: three kids are present, 2 are graffiti'ing the back of a house
When caught, 1 kid says "I was trying to stop them, they wouldn't listen". This is an excuse, they're claiming they aren't at fault and not responsible for the graffiti.
Another says "the home owner deserved it, he's an asshole", this is a reason as they are clearly not avoiding responsibility.
When you try and use an excuse to get out of something thar you clearly are responsible for, that's when you will get served the "I dont want an excuse" line.
When you try and use an excuse to get out of something thar you clearly are responsible for, that's when you will get served the "I dont want an excuse" line.
Or when they don't really want an explanation and just want you to admit fault and ask for forgiveness.
Not only was this well explained, but the short segments are great for my ADHD-phobia of large blocks of text
It's not just you, neurotypicals on the receiving end of that hate it too. Everyone gets told that garbage line once in a while. It's always said by someone on a power trip, they're trying to put you down into a place beneath them
In reply to the meme: Anyone who asks why and then cuts off the person they asked immediately assumed that ANY response would be an excuse, since they didn't listen to it.
No, there's one reason that they wouldn't consider an excuse, and it's what they expected you to say: "I'm a good for nothing stupid head". That's what they want to hear. They're mad because you didn't say it.
They just want to be angry. They don't care about anything else, and anything anyone says is irrelevant.
Excuses are generally made to avoid responsibility, and they aren't always completely accurate. Explanations just clarify what happened.
The thing is, the person receiving an explanation might well just assume it's an excuse, and it's hard to convince them otherwise.
Yup, when it comes to intent only one person actually knows the intent and everyone else is assuming.
To add, justifications are the opposite of excuses, they are a reason for something that justifies it.
Excuse | Explanation | Justification
Yea, even when I explain something I did wrong, I make a point to mention it's not an okay excuse and own my mistake. Then give ways I will avoid this problem I'm the future.
It's this.
Good additions about justifications in this thread as well.
Imho, an excuse is just an invalid reason, and that varies person to person and situation to situation.
I work in a role that has customer service elements, and sometimes there is no difference. Some people just want to be angry. CEO types are the worst about this, where an “excuse” is any less than perfect reason (from their ungrounded point of view) and a reason is whatever they accept, and usually their mind has already been up. Perfection or perish.
On the other hand, if I was late to work, and my manager asked why, and I said “Oh, there was a major wreck on the freeway” he would say “oh, that’s fine” knowing I often get to the office a little early because I add in an extra 20 minutes for traffic, since that usually gets me into the office in time due to how unpredictable my commute times tend to be.
The director at my first job, would not give a flying fuck, and would exclusively say “stop making excuses, you should have left earlier” if i was like two minutes late for any reason, even if a normal person would go “oh ok, that’s fine”
Yeah it's important to cut that off, if you can.
I try to reply something like "I'm not seeking to be excused, I'm explaining what happened. That's it." This can be a bit bristly but it clearly defines your role in the conversation, and stops them from putting you in a role they've picked for you. (the penitent subordinate) .
Obviously ymmv as you might not be stable enough in your role
As for dealing with other people, it's subjective. If they're not satisfied with your answer, it's an excuse to them.
To be a bit more specific, I'd say there are two factors at play, which are of course hard for the other person to judge, especially if they're a manager not involved in the task itself:
Of course, it also depends on the priority level of the task. If your sibling asks for a glass of water and you get them a mug because there are no glasses in the cabinet, those stakes are low enough that it's a valid reason even though you could have checked the dishwasher or washed a glass yourself.
I absolutely hate when people say shit like that, and I will 100% tell management in front of everyone "If you just want someone to blame, that's fine but don't ask me to explain something and then get pissy like a child when I do exactly that."
Because that's exactly what they are doing.
And I will not participate in such assery.
Reasons are explanations for actions. Eg. "The reason I was late turning in my homework is that I had to got to the hospital".
Excuses are explanations for actions (aka reasons) that are not socially justifiable. Eg. "The reason I was late turning in my homework is that my friends invited me out for drinks".
The hard part is that jackasses will view even valid reasons as excuses, because to them any factors negatively impacting you are not more important than the end result being achieved.
"Let me make you feel this way real quick..."
"No reply, just feel!"
It's this. Anyone who asks you a question and then interrupts your reply was either trying to ask a rhetorical question (which is ambiguous for anyone in this scenario, neurodivergent or typical), or is acting in bad faith. You're completely justified in feeling frustrated by it.
That question can be clear by tone, and by level of trust.
I'm a very curious person, so I want to understand what drove a decision (even if it was "I don't know" or "Just seemed like the right answer"), and I want to understand someone's approach to things - there's lots to be learned that way.
But yea, quite often it's a rhetorical, judgmental question.