this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2024
72 points (98.6% liked)

chapotraphouse

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submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

EDIT: I am pleased that hexbear liked this so much.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

What the hell do shields have to do with poison, homie? You alright?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

Block with a shield, enemy gets poisoned, continue blocking with shield, enemy dies and you're safe and sound. It's an efficient and synergistic combination!

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 days ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

THE WALL

THE WALL

THE WALL

NO ONE ON EARTH CAN MAKE IT FALL

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago

If you're in a shield wall you're bashing dudes with your shield as much or more than your spear.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

Not with that attitude

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Your picks are thoroughly incorrect

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 days ago (2 children)

the spear doubles as a magic rod

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

correct response, the spear is the all-time GOAT weapon

Death to America

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

certified insect glaive moment

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 days ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Not very nature of you OWL

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Fine fine, here's a less shitpost one

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 days ago

light -> bow

brow

i know what you are the-boys-are-back-in-town

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago

This is so much neater

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

poison no dart

shield??? what?? how would that even work?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

Every time you block a hit, the enemy is poisoned.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago

a lot of these i'm not really that attached to but water-shield and ice-hammer seem super obvious to me

Death to America

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I put all of them on hammer

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I'm glad to see people correctly picking Water Spear

Not sure why, maybe the spear fighting in video games I've seen is usually pretty fluid/flowing (excellent source, I know)

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 days ago

It's pretty easy, really

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago

  • Light shield to protect against the darkness
  • Poison dagger, because poison coated dagger is a classic
  • Darkness sword because it seems to be the most convenient to swing around in the dark when you don't see anything
  • Thunder whip because they have a lot of similarity, long and thin, with a crack on impact
  • Wind bow because the arrows fly through the air
  • Nature claws because they remind me of a bear's claws
  • Water spear because of Poseidon's trident
  • Earth knuckle because fist fighting is a RETVRN to traditions
  • Ice hammer for breaking the ice
  • Fire axe because why not, they are the last ones
[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago

I like this

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

i took nature to mean like, plants, and i think swords and flowers go good together

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

First, this was exactly what my daughters needed to shake themselves out of a grumpy morning, so thank you for sharing this

Second, here are the Objectively Correct Answers, in order of correctness:

  • Wind shield: Blocking and deflecting blows isn't cool. You know what's cool? Sending your stupid assailant flying backwards complete with ragdoll physics. Most importantly, you can flip your wind shield over and use it as a hoverboard.
  • Thunder bow: Lightning is awesome as long as it's sufficiently far away from you. Making lightning strike wherever an arrow can reach? Super impressive and solves many potential problems before they become actual, in-your-face problems.
  • Earth knuckles: When you punch someone in the face, do you want to zap them? Freeze them? Make them damp? No. You want to punch someone in the face with the power of a falling boulder. You want to hear that "earth cracking" sound effect.
  • Fire whip: You're the person at the party with the devil sticks. You're the person who holds a pose just a hair too long when entering a room. You were born to wield the fire whip.
  • Ice spear: We're doing crowd control here. We're freezing our enemies before they can close in on us. We're surrounding ourselves with statues of things that wish us harm.
  • Poison claws: The only unanimous decision in our family. (We have two cats.)
  • Nature axe: Creation and destruction. It's, like, a metaphor, man.
  • Darkness dagger: Daggers are all about being sneaky. In and out, quick stabby murder before anyone notices. What's better than a little extra cover of darkness for this?
  • Light sword: Skyward Sword was an underrated game.
  • Water hammer: You've used everything else, now it's time to go back through one last time and do a non-lethal run. Hits like a giant wet sponge.
[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

i would only switch to water whip (firefighting) and fire hammer (can be used for smithing)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

That's... much better, actually

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

You're welcome 😌

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago (6 children)

anyone not directing earth to shield is increbibly wrong

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Are we talking what kind of elemental affinity we'd assign to a weapon or what enchantment would work best with it?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

whatever reasoning comes to you

like I keep going back and forth between "balrog's flaming whip" vs "whipcracks like thunder" vs "poison ivy plant manipulator"

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

I can definitely understand poison dagger.

That whip choice is volcel-judge

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago

I stand by it, do your worst

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago

Surprise is the best element for every weapon.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

Posting my take before I wade into the struggle session

Adding reasoning:

Earth shield, obvious sturdy combo

Dark dagger, good for sneaking

Light sword, holy relic but still kinda basic

Ice axe, did this one last but it kinda still makes sense

Nature whip, pokemon vine whip need I say more

Wind bow, long shots, gusts can alter arrows trajectory

Fire claws, fast attacka make the cumulative damage add up quickly, similar to the poison knuckles reasoning

Water spear, sweeping fluid slashing and sharp, jet like stabs just fit water. Fluid yet forceful

Poison knuckles, rapid punches add up the poison damage fast

Thunder hammer, it's already a great big concussive hit, thunder just increases it

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