Oh man, I ate the onion on this one. I am ashamed.
The Onion
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
Now I'm imagining self-replicating hair tangles, akin to how a prion causes proteins to misfold. Take care not to get to close to someone infected with one or the knot might brush your hair and induce it to knot in the same manner.
The nightmare scenario would be a screaming mass of people bound together helplessly by their intertwined hair knots, binding anyone who comes close to attempt a rescue into the same hellish ball. The only solution would be to hose them down with industrial-strength Nair from a safe distance.
Human Rat Kings
Overuse of industrial strength Nair gives rise to Nair resistant super hairs.
Switch to fire at that point.
I feel like there has to be a Junji Ito comic about this.
or an SCP entry
rat kings are a real phenomenon where rats have their tails somehow tangled together, you have created the human king (somehow worse than regular monarchs)
I used detangler "down there" and now I gotta walk around with this hoover vacuum stuck to my pubes.