Asklemmy

i need to adopt a cat-owner mentality

Can you give us a little anecdote or vignette of a recent situation?

Re:dogs - It sounds like you might need to set boundaries with your dogs and whomever allows them outside so there is a procedure everybody (including dogs) is aware of and knows needs to happen that you have put together to avoid having this problem again.

Anger is a sign that we feel we being treated unfairly or things are happening that we believe are not acceptable to continue happening. I would encourage you to make friends with your anger and allow it to illuminate that which needs to be examined or altered so your anger doesn't need to pay it further attention as you work to resolve the discrepancy

Anger is really good at intuiting that the equation isn't adding up and that there is a miscalculation that you must rebalance in order to discharge its responsibilities. Until that happens, anger will be wherever you go and be activated by more and more related and unrelated things.

Edit: I had a small breakthrough just now grappling with this question, thanks OP, lets have another if you like

You should probably focus on the problem/problems underneath, this is probably just an epiphenomenon

Buddhism, meditation, and generally knowing that everything is temporary. Gratitude / "counting your blessings" helps increase general happiness, as it's easy to forget what's going right

What can i say, the dude abides

I don't get mad, but I can't really offer you any advice. I'm just a guy. It's just how I am. I went to a therapist when I was in high school because I don't really have any strong emotions at all, and I was worried something was wrong with me, but he told me it's just how I am, and that one day, when I have a partner, I'll "...either be their rock, or drive them insane."

I proposed to her today. Turns out, that was an inclusive "or".

I feel smoking crack helps smooth out the edges

Get checked for vitamin deficits?

I know your feeling - though I find it hard to truly lose my temper, I do tend to stress out easily and start venting outloud.

I feel like externalising my stressors is the only way to let them go, even if nobody wants to listen, otherwise I just end up bottling things up.

Admittedly I'm usually drunk or high but an overwhelming disposition of "it do be like that" seems to help the bullshit slide off

That all starts with being able to recognize those emotions in the moment. If you can’t change the past, then why are you putting energy into getting angry over it? In your dog example, you’re going to have to clean it either way so stop to think about what’s more valuable to you - moving forward and learning for next time or using your energy to get angry.

There’s nothing wrong with getting angry. Anger is a useful emotion. Use it to your benefit rather than to your detriment.

I feel weird recommending medication but I had the same problem for like 3 years (since my mental breakdown) I got put on new meds about 4 months ago and holy shit have they been life changing. That constant anger isn't there anymore, some times I still have a bad day, but its not ever present annoyed at the world anymore.

I knew a guy like this but it seemed his life could not get worst so nothing at worked bothered him.

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

hmmm...

I think it helps if you play a lot of "immersive" games. and practice disengaging from there.

For example, if you now don't get mad and throw controllers breaking screens, you're now half-way to the real task at hand!

Could try studying stochastic philosophy. I've always generally been calm but had an extra realization that getting upset at things doesn't help the situation I'm in and is generally just a waste of energy. So why waste time feeling terrible when I can just accept whatever is going on and move on with my life.

Stress is obviously an enhancer of anger issues, but it can also be a character trait. I’d focus on learning to accept that you have those emotions instead of trying to suppress them.

I don't think I have the emotional range to "get angry" the way most people describe it (as some overcoming urge). It's an alien concept to me. For me, anger is a quiet loosening of my moral obligation towards someone, a re-tallying of social contracts, something done consciously and with purpose.

If I should appear angry, but just "go with the flow" instead, it doesn't mean I'm not angry -- it means I no longer feel the need to be honest with you about my thoughts or feelings. I've found that by and large, people fail to notice the difference.

So if it is any consolation, at least some of us who appear easygoing are actually furious internally.

When my depression and adhd where really bad it used to be like that. Do you have any other problems?

For me, I do get mad occasionally but I just see that me getting mad doesn't get me anywhere. I just gotta fix the problem.

You should take a sabbatical or however else a time out.

I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

From someone who can still go with then flow even when the flow seems like its from a sewage plant: That's the neat part, I don't get over it. I can either move forward in a way that's best for me, or I can just let myself react without thinking about it, get a hollow sense of catharsis, and put myself in a worse situation where I'm gonna need more than a hollow sense of catharsis.

I cannot recommend mindfulness enough, as already suggested by many others in this thread.

I think, you said you are already in therapy? In this case, I would definitely talk with your therapist about this and things you want to adopt beforehand. If you want a simple concrete tip, you could try the "mindfulness coach" by the US department of veteran affairs. I liked it a lot and the apps from there get good privacy recommendations from mozilla.

I am a bit suprised by the many people recommending to just stop giving fucks. Is this what you really want? Or do you just want avoid the emotions of taking control?