A chilly, distant demeanor. Is it an asshole that hates you, or is it an introvert that just wants to go home?
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Honestly I'm an extrovert that gets lost in thought sometimes. I have the meanest looking resting removed face when I am. But I'm as gentle as a butterfly and always up for a good conversation if anyone approaches.
resting removed face
What?
I think some instances remove swear words so you just see 'removed'
Yes
Oh, like Mr. Darcy!
"I'm just asking questions." Could be a child, could be a moon-landing conspiracy person.
Eh, if it's coming from an adult who should know better, I wouldn't say it's being misinterpreted as a sign of being an asshole.
Could be someone who's genuinely trying to understand someone's viewpoint, but it reveals inconsistencies in the other person's logic, so they get irritated.
Not being a conversational person.
I don't do small talk very well and I very quickly run put of things to say to someone I don't know so I don't like to just talk rubbish with someone, I prefer to remain quiet and get on with what I am doing.
I don't mean that the person isn't worth talking to or I don't like them, if they need something from me or have a question then I'll galdly answer or help them, but almost everyone takes it as a slight against them when i dont want to engage in idle chit chat and assume I'm an arsehole when I'm really not trying to be.
listen, as someone who needs to be social but isnt, it is ok to let there be awkward silences. it is ok.
it isn't your job to be entertaining. conversation is a 2 way road.
contribute, motherfucker
As an autistic person I love interacting with people like you.
Being bluntly honest. People who are neurodivergent can struggle with being "politely dishonest" and can tell you what they think in a very blunt manner without meaning to offend.
Not engaging in small talk. Again, people who are neurodivergent tend to prefer talking about things that fascinate them and can have a hard time understanding the point of talking about just whatever.
Struggling with being on time, struggling to focus on someone or something, struggling with eye contact. In general, neurodivergent traits tend to be seen as "asshole behavior" because they are abnormal and don't conform to society. People who aren't normal tend to be viewed as assholes because how dare they inconvenience me by being different.
Source: personal experience as well as listening to the experiences of others. I've been hit with all these things at least once and accused of being an asshole, aloof, and/or self-centered.
I find that struggling to be on time is fine, actually not being on time is disrespectful of my time. In modern society we have so many options available to make sure we can keep on time. Set up alarms, time how long it takes you to get dressed and out the door, time how long it takes you to get somewhere, set alarms to keep you on time based on what you've actually measured, not what one "feels" is enough time.
Personally I'm more often than not 5+ minutes early; I can always wait a little more before I go in or something, it's often harder to "just get there faster".
BTW; if someone is late because of something outside their control that's fine; just make sure to inform me ASAP.
I think it's important to bear in mind that some of those things are what neurotypical folks, I guess you could call them, use to convey interest or disinterest. Eye contact is a way to express interest, and helps to show one is intently listening to the speaker. Conversely, frequently glancing away is kind of the body language equivalent of giving short "uh huh" type answers when one is trying to disengage from a conversation.
My point isn't that you should feel bad about struggling with these nuances; I just think it's worth mentioning that some of those negative reactions you may have experienced just has to do with expectations in body language. It's not that someone who's neurodivergent is being an asshole, it's just that they're sending out signals we're otherwise used to interpreting as disinterest, and that is (often) off-putting.
Again, it's not something to feel bad about, it's just communicating on different wavelengths so-to-speak. Sort of like a language/culture difference.
I would agree with you except that I've seen people try to clarify that they're autistic, or ADHD, or bipolar, etc, and explain that it causes them to act in that manner and sometimes, no matter how hard they try, they can't surpress it or "act normal"; only to be told overwhelmingly by the people in the room/thread that they're an asshole and selfish for not trying hard enough.
I do understand that some of those things are used as visual indicators for people to determine how the other is feeling about the current conversation, and maybe it's way more important to people than I realize; but there are way too many people who will tell you that if you can't alter your behavior to be normal, then you're an asshole.
Man, I'm sorry to hear that's your experience. I guess some folks simply refuse to be understanding.
Setting up boundaries.
Massive one. People automatically assume those who have defined areas that others are not allowed to access (ie personal/physical contact, topics of communication, literal areas they restrict in their home, etc) are prudish and being willfully obstinate for unfounded reasons, without considering why these boundaries are set in the first place.
The second you inconvenience someone, they assume you're the problem.
Reminds of a post a few days ago, that described how people think you're condescending and sit on a high horse, just because you use some fancy words here and there.
Meanwhile I'm just trying to describe something with as much detail as possible, because it's important to convey exactly what I mean.
Well for one, I wish I could tell people no when they ask me to social events without being interpreted as an asshole
Saying no and not backing down from it
aka Boundaries.
Too many people can't deal with that, but that's their problem.
Asking a dog owner to use their leash rather than letting their dog walk up to you or your kids.
Not agreeing to false logic (say, out of pressure to be polite or non-confrontational), especially when the next step would be doing something based on that logic. People sincerely don't understand why deceiving you once like this won't work another time and think it makes you an asshole.
Agreed, and along the same lines, pointing out bad logic or factual errors used to support a point you actually agree with.
The fact that they have a record.
Look for a pattern, not a single instance. And yet companies and people hold bad decisions of the past against most folks.
Parking in a handicapped parking spot and having no visible disability.
Refusing to engage.
Someone who's assertive (not to be mistaken for someone who thinks they're assertive and really is just an asshole).
Someone offering constructive criticism.
Especially those two put together.
Offering a concise answer to questions, without softening language.
Honestly? Questions like this one
Being overly sarcastic, especially online (speaking from experience ๐)
My resting bitch face