this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2024

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Self Improvement

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A community which focusses on improving yourself. This can be in many different ways - from improving physical health or appearance, to improving mental health, creating better habits, overcoming addictions, etc.

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I want to improve my life but my autism/ADHD/PTSD/depression is killing me (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 7 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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TLDR: Please give me advice on increasing willpower while having autism/ADHD/depression/PTSD. I would very much appreciate hearing perspectives from people who also have these conditions. What have you found success with? What didn't work for you?

Hey HexBearians. Im looking for some advice on improving my living conditions and working on myself.

I have autism, inattentive type ADHD, and PTSD from long term childhood abuse. Depression too.

I'm seeing a therapist once a month but it's not really enough. He's good at working with trauma and some depression stuff but autism and ADHD aren't his forte.

I am really struggling lately with getting anything done. My performance at work is through the floor. For right now my job is secure but if I can't get it together soon I'll probably get fired. My apartment is a disaster and I'm ashamed to have anyone over because of it. I have abandoned all my hobbies out of lack of willpower. I don't go out much except for work and the store. I met some new people through my friend last month and when I got the question "what do you like to do?" I became paralyzed and didn't know how to respond. I realized that I don't even know what I like to do. Most days I wake up from a nightmare then scroll on my phone up until the exact second that I could feasibly get ready and make it to work in time. I do the bare minimum to make myself not look feral and then head to work. I either uselessly daydream or fall into a bad thoughts spiral all day and get very little done. After work I come home and scroll on my phone for until I'm too tired and have to sleep.

I don't clean. I usually cook a ton of food once a week and just eat that each day. I don't really do anything. I wasn't always this way.

My main issue seems to be a lack of willpower. It's not that I don't want to do anything or improve my life but I somehow just can't find the ability to. Part of my mind is constantly pleading with me to do things but the other part ignores it, or if I do start to do something then it starts pleading with me to stop.

I used to hate myself but my therapist has helped me to see that I don't have to. He showed me that those thoughts weren't organically coming from within me but instead had been planted and fed by my awful parents. Once I learned to identify which thoughts were "mine" and which were "theirs" it became a lot easier to dismiss that kind of negativity and even learn to like myself. All that is to say that I KNOW I have the ability to grow and improve. I have proof of it and I'm grateful that I no longer longingly think about dying constantly or hit myself or belittle myself for not living up to unrealistic expectations. I realized that I would have no desire to hate and be cruel to someone else who was in my type of situation, so why the hell would I do that to myself?

Sorry, went on a bit of a ramble.

I have the want to change, I have the need to change. I have the physical means to change. But I don't have the mental means for it right now. So, people with any of the conditions I mentioned, what have you done that improved that part of your life? What didn't work out for you? What kind of insight could you give?

Thank you all very much :)

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I haven't had the chance to go through this yet (lol) but I believe someone here highly recommended this free workbook on procrastination previously:

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Procrastination

I have ADHD and some of the same problems you mentioned. I have found that what I lack is discipline more so than motivation. I found that starting with something small like cleaning for 15 minutes every day helped a lot to build the habit around cleaning. I have problems establishing habits, so it helps me to start doing small stuff and then building up on them. Trying to focus on being disciplined has helped me a lot more than when I tried to focused on motivation. Best of luck!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

u me?

I either uselessly daydream or fall into a bad thoughts spiral all day and get very little done.

Yep, just waiting for the world to end... Hopefully this thread generates some ideas because my "solution" is terrible. "Being in a relationship"... I'm sure armchair psychs reading will assume I've got all these horrible tendencies and shit that make the relationships bad but honestly no. I'm an excellent partner, I've just made 0 forward progress during the periods where I've been single in the past decade. I managed to reach some ridiculous heights and neither long term partner were ever keen to how badly Id been prior or done afterwards. Unfortunately one passed away and the other wasn't meant to be (older+family obligations in another country). Lacking any other options and fully aware of how badly this comment probably reads, I hope to find a third before I can't even do that anymore.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

we need support and about the only time any of us will have someone care about us and available is with a partner

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I want to start off by saying you're very wise to see the situation you're in and actively want to change it. Being AuDHD myself, I definitely understand the challenges you're facing and relate.

From the sounds of things, I think you're burned out. Usually people burn out from work, but I would recommend taking 30 minutes where you don't get on your phone or otherwise distract yourself, to let your mind wander. Maybe force yourself to go on a walk through a nearby park if possible. This will allow your brain to process everything you're going through and you might be able to find what burned you out and next best steps.

If it is your job that's burning you out, start looking for another job immediately. It's okay if it's a step back: sometimes it's better to have a lower paying job with less stress to get your bearings and get a better job once you've figured life out.

I'm proud of you for striving to improve. I'm sure you'll do great.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If it is your job that's burning you out, start looking for another job immediately

if you're burned out from work, do some more unpaid work! god damn our society is fucking garbage.

OP hit up any nepotistic connections you have, it's lower effort than regular job hunting.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

Yeah I'm just literally not working rn, and I'm fortunate enough for that to be alright. I see a lot of myself in the op, who is definitely deeply burned out

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Are you on any medication for the ADHD?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Are you on meds

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

Hi comrade, I am always glad to see our comrades from Lemmygrad. heart-sickle

Have you ever tried journaling? I have been journaling every day for years and it basically saved my life. I don't have the same conditions as you but I can relate to a lot that you said.

I used to hate myself but my therapist has helped me to see that I don't have to. He showed me that those thoughts weren't organically coming from within me but instead had been planted and fed by my awful parents. Once I learned to identify which thoughts were "mine" and which were "theirs" it became a lot easier to dismiss that kind of negativity and even learn to like myself. All that is to say that I KNOW I have the ability to grow and improve. I have proof of it and I'm grateful that I no longer longingly think about dying constantly or hit myself or belittle myself for not living up to unrealistic expectations. I realized that I would have no desire to hate and be cruel to someone else who was in my type of situation, so why the hell would I do that to myself?

This is awesome, I think that self-compassion is one of the most important life skills but nobody is talking about it. I recommend this self-compassion test.

I think you're already on a great path because you have the desire to change and also have the knowledge that you can improve, as you said. Those are really important, now it's just a matter of making a bit progress every day.

So basically, my advice is to write a journal, actively practice self-compassion and try to make a bit of progress each day. unity

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

You sound like me when I'm off meds and haven't seen a therapist in a while. I have a similar set of conditions. Are there financial obstacles to seeing your therapist more often? Also, are you on meds for ADHD or depression?