this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2024
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Personally, I think it's like people with a foot fetish. Ok gross and weird but isnt harming anyone.

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I guess I'd rather the toilet enjoy itself. As long as it doesn't start making little happy noises while I'm trying to poop 😰

[–] [email protected] 24 points 9 months ago (6 children)

I find the thought of encouragement more disturbing.

"Come on, buddy you can do it.. yeah, I see that's a big one...."
ghasp
"a REALLY big one. I can see it. Push, don't forget to breathe.. yeah, there ya go, pinch it off. Nice! You've changed your diet, haven't you? Good job!"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago

Oh hey, suggestions of diet changes for health might be nice, suggestions because they like corn, not nice.

I can't believe I wrote that

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I heard this in a sports announcer’s voice, with everyone in the house listening.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I will probably opt to go poop in a bucket out in the yard then

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 41 points 9 months ago (2 children)

If my toilet were sentient, I would get a non- sentient normal toilet. Idiot OP.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Would you keep the sentient one as a friend?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago

Sure. It’s not like I have many friends.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

This would probably be the only option but it would still be difficult because for a start there'd have to be a period of time between discovering it was sentient and getting that new toilet and you'd still have to shit and then there's the issue of whether the toilet can survive if removed and if it wants to or is OK with being move/removed. If not, you'd have to basically get an entire new bathroom to place a new toilet in which could be financially difficult.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

You vastly overestimate my level of empathy for my talking toilet; I’d rip that bitch out in a heartbeat

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Any strong feelings are undesirable.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Wouldn't you rather bring great joy and pleasure every time you go?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

I consistently shit at work, I don't want to disappoint the guy I live with.

If they were sentient I'd put them in the living room, so they could watch TV with us.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Is it just my toilet in my house or all toilets in the world? Could I move and avoid having this problem?

Is killing my toilet an option?

If I have no other choice I guess crave....

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago (2 children)

If you could kill the toilet, would you really wanna defecate in the dead body of a sentient being?? Thats cold

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

If I am being honest I don't really want to defecate in an body of a sentient being living or dead. Although I don't know what would be worse.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

True, the living one would be much warmer more likely than not

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I'd want it to love it but hate itself for how much it loves it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

It's disturbing when I have a clever response to the title of a post and then click in to see it already typed out staring back at me.

You sick (and prompt) fuck.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Toilets do a really important job and it is one that I would not enjoy doing myself.

If it's got a poop fetish then fuck it, I'll host parties and take suggestions on what too feed guests!

[–] GregorGizeh 11 points 9 months ago (5 children)

I don’t know what show or year even, but when I was a kid I remember some weird sci fi show or movie with people being on a sort of sentient organic space ship, and the toilets were literally this. Living things that would feast on human waste, iirc including going the extra mile of having tongues to lick the user clean.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

I already spend too much time sitting on the toilet. If I got a good tonguing, I may never leave.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Tongues? Just, hear me out for a second..

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I am listening with a flaired starfish...

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (3 children)
[–] GregorGizeh 6 points 9 months ago

Thats it, lmao

Looks even more obscure than I remembered

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

I’d like it to the the personality of Wilma Flintstone’s vacuum. β€œIt’s a living”

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

Aaand that's enough internet for today.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I mean I don't wanna force my toilet to consume my poop, i'm not a capitalist!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Crapitalist*

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Crave it. The other way would be cruel.

IRL I'd go somewhere else, of course, but that's not the spirit of the question.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

While your toilet isn't alive to crave your waste, the microbes and such at the waste water facility that your crap goes to do in fact crave and need your waste to survive and propogate. It ain't ice cream, but your crap always ends up as food for something.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Hate me for it. I don't need to hear moaning everytime I need to take a shit.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

I wish it was indifferent and defeated, like the appliances in the Flintstones.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

You definitely want it to enjoy the experience, otherwise it seems too risky to sit

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

When you poo in the woods the poo is instantly covered with bugs and bacteria that love poo and start to break it down.

I guess it would be just the same, you know someone is eating it but it doesn’t really enter your thoughts

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

I could deal with either as long as it doesn’t terrorize the dog.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Feed me poop daddy uwu

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I'd rather they think of it as a normal function, like breathing is for us.

But I guess I'm not into extremes.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

Look up skibidi toilet... oh no wait, better yet, don't! :-P

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