AshenWolf

joined 9 hours ago
MODERATOR OF
[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 hours ago

It's another midnighter ralsei-splat

It was for good reasons though, so I'll give it a pass catgirl-happy

Unfortunately for me, my body won't ralsei-startled

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

I'm actually just addicted to MCR now. This song's album is probably my favorite, I love how raw it is, but I've also been listening to Three Cheers a lot.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 hours ago

Anyone else walk really fast

Yes, and it's not even like I'm trying to rush, it's just my walking pace.

I also like listening to metal or hard rock while I’m walking, and matching my pace to the drum beat or something. It makes me feel awesome.

Yep, I'll do it with walking, running, hiking, and it feels great!

 

In traditional fashion, any account owned by me (the person behind the screen) must have it's first account be a music post. So, here's MCR. This is a song from my new repeat album. It's hardcorey, it's metalcorey, it's emoey, it's punky, and I had no idea MCR had an album like this until @[email protected] told me about it. So, thanks, I've really been enjoying the album this song is from.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 hours ago

No Pain, No Gain meow-knife-trans

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 hours ago

Common Fedora W (insert Xenia emoji here)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 hours ago

YES PLEASE!!! I would actually legitimately use that, I feel like I am fine with any pronouns, and I'll suck up he/him in order to use all others, but I would prefer it not be used for me.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 hours ago

DAMN IT I WANTED TO WORK ON WRITING MY BOOK BUT I ENDED UP WRITING AN ESSAY ON MY GENDER THOUGHTS doggirl-tears

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago (3 children)

The journey has to end somewhere, the ride has to run out of energy eventually. Wherever you end up, I'm sure you'll feel at home (and also probably enlightened). I honestly don't know if I'm getting off yet, like I said, I feel like I post something of this vein every other week. Idk though, it feels like I'm reaching the end as well. If this is really the end, it was a fun ride catgirl-salute

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (5 children)

denji-just-like-me

Had a bit of a moment there where I was like "wait, I don't have she/her pronouns on my profile anymore", and then it took a split second to realize it's covered by "any" and I don't have to worry about the specifics anymore screm-cool

Also don't have to worry about doing the whole neopronoun rotation thing or filling my bio with specific neopronouns because, lets be honest, most if not all of them were going to be added to that list eventually.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 hours ago (8 children)

Hi everyone! I (Luna) made this account just in time for a bit of an announcement in terms of my gender thoughts:I've decided to go with the flow as of late, and the flow took me in a very interesting direction. I've given it some thought, and I realized something: What is gender to me? What do I want out of it exactly, and what do I consider gender to be? Sure, I wanted to present more feminine, and I felt the best way to do that was to be a woman. Is that the case, though? It was a pretty lousy assumption, to be honest. I knew I wanted to start feminizing HRT, but does that inherently make anyone a woman? No, they're a woman if they want to be, simple as. Do I want to be a woman? Maybe, but at the same time, what do I really want out of it specifically? Do I worry about playing the role perfectly at every turn, am I bothering to play a role? Isn't that what I'm trying to avoid? Shouldn't I just be trying to be myself? Why do certain things, like coming up with a name, seem so difficult for me, why do I struggle to identify with anything, why do I feel like she/her pronouns work some times and not others, why do I feel like other pronouns work some times and not others (still hate he/him though)? Why does gender seem to encroach on my sense of self at times? Am I trying to conform to a binary I wasn't meant to conform to? Why does this give me such doubt, why do I feel doubt about this stuff? It's not even about my transness, I know I am, I've known that I am, and I don't even see myself as cis at the worst of times anymore, but where does that leave me?

Recently, I've been exploring new pronouns. I asked you all to vote on pronouns for election day, and I honestly vibed with all of them. Okay, maybe not pup/pup's, but would it really piss me off if someone used that? No. I realized all of the pronouns out there (minus he/him) sound great, and feel like they could fit, and I don't mind being called by those pronouns. At the same time though, there are times where it feels like nothing fits. This sums up my thoughts, it feels like no matter what gender I try to realize for myself, no matter what I try to identify as, something goes wrong. I feel trapped, I feel like there's always a limit, even if there isn't necessarily.

A bit ago, I said that the label of demigirl fits me best, and it was the label I first identified with after my egg cracked. What I forgot, both in memory and mention, was that my egg didn't originally crack that day a few months ago. It cracked much earlier, and I had already internalized that identity. I may have presented cis (and not really been a fan), but the identity itself felt like it fit me. I'm fucking weird, I don't fit into anywhere, anything, and that probably applies to gender. I may feel dysphoria at times, may feel the need to cling onto gender in a desperation to have a sense of self, but I am not my gender. I am a human being, with the same level of identity as any other, regardless of what my gender identity may be.

So, it's time for the gender reveal gender-reveal. You may have been getting an idea based on what I have been saying, but I think that being agender is simply where I want to be hexbear-agender. By forsaking gender entirely, I eliminate the endless struggle. I can present however I want to, do whatever I want to (although I could as any gender, this is how it feels for me) without feeling like my sense of self is constantly shifting. I am who I am, beyond gender. What I want for my physical appearance, or how I want to act in the moment, doesn't change that.

I feel like it's going to be tough to let go. I could just be in the middle of a very long 10% agender arc. I could wake up tommorow and decide I want to be a woman again, gender is a fuck and I'm not going to pretend I understand it. For now, though, I'm going to identify as I want to, as I feel most comfortable. I know I do this at least every other week, to the point where it could be a site meme, but I really do feel that every time I start to grasp something, it's like a breakthrough. If this one sticks, cool! I've found it out. If it doesn't, cool! I've still found something out. So, that's me. I'll leave a bit of extra content/context below, but I'm excited to see where my journey brings me, and I always have been, even if it's really confusing ralsei-pout

I'm making this account in an attempt to shift my account from a gendered name to a username. It should also hold up if things are to change (I have no confidence that it won't). Anyway, I felt like I needed the fresh start. A lot has changed in the past few months. Also, I've noticed that how I act greatly reflects how I present, and that includes online. So, changing my account might change that as well.

If I backtrack on this in a week, I'm blaming the carousel hexbear-genderfluid explosion