i got invited to a night out :/
i haven't seen this friend in like 6 months and she's reached out (which i literally never do) and i feel like i Have To Go, in the same way that i Have To talk to my closest friend on discord about once a month despite the fact that i never want to. i feel like theres something fucking busted in my instincts as a member of a social species. But my grandma made me promise when i left home that i would try to have friends, so for the last 5 years i've been putting in some (usually minimal) effort but god i always fucking dread it, like this invitation has ruined my day. but we do what we have to.
i just wish i understood why the prospect of occasionally interacting with one of the few people i know makes me feel nauseous despite the fact that we are literally an animal specifically evolved to be friends with eachother wtf
AND its going to cost like a day's wages fml
.
i'm like, damn why have i never had a relationship
(hint: the idea of going out makes me want to die lmao)
like legit what does she get out of this? it seems like an awful trade deal. she gives up a perfectly pleasant night to herself doing shit she cares about and in exchange she gets to spend $80 on drinks/transport/etc for no reason.
or my long distance friend: he loses a nice night relaxxing and playing video games, and replaces it with video games but Worse because you're constantly worrying about Conversing Correctly and you can't quite breathe or relax for 5 hours.
i feel like i'm a fucking alien for not getting this lmao