this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2024
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chapotraphouse
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Well I've been with no job for 2 years now. I did an unpaid job for six months to scrounge some experience out of it. Now I'm still out in the wild.
I won't say I'm happy or content. I never am. I am dejected but I don't care enough about it. If I am feeling really cornered time to time I try to talk to friends and find a way out.
I don't have a booming social life. If I am near my friends I might meet and plan a day with them. Otherwise its just me. I spend most time alone. Whether its going to movies or having some drinks. Last I remember drinking was day before new year I had like a beer and smoked cigarettes. It was just me. I don't mind that.
I don't have savings or credit either. I have very unwell parents who aren't financially well. My dad is still swallowed in debts. I don't see ways out of the misery like ever.
I don't think I have like much to live for either. But I also don't think I fully feel that way. I have contemplated that so many times for like a decade now. I don't have dreams or ambition or anything. I just have nothing. But I don't know, I also don't wanna give up either. Cause there are people in way dire edges and they are still fighting. I don't know why I shouldn't be. I don't find much solace in thinking of reasons to live. I feel like I need to find em.
I don't know finding job or finding love or whatever is not the end all be all. I have a friend who recently married his long time lover. He didn't really had any job at that time he was in love with his partner. His partner didn't leave him or stopped loving cause of where he was at life. Four years went by and he found a job, then he married. I don't know. Nothing is going to only happen in some vaccum. Shit takes time to materialize.