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How do you guys deal with anger? (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I'm not a very angry person, I don't really have it in me to be genuinely pissed most of the time. Sometimes I'll get irritated, and I can usually kinda DBT my way through it, but honestly I'm really pissed at my ex. The more I think about everything horrible she did and continues doing, the more I kinda spiral into being pissed and it's not helping me at all but I don't really know how to decompress all of it. I'm rightfully pissed, she did some truly nuclear shit I'd need content warnings for, and having that anger is healthy at some level. But like I said, I need to get my mind off this shit so I don't become a bitter divorced dad lol

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I heard once that anger is a misalignment with your expectations and reality. Once I heard that, it helped me navigate my anger a bit better.

Like, for instance, you expected better treatment and behavior from your Ex. I think it was totally normal and understandable to expect that. I'm angry at the inhuman cruelty of capital, because I expect to live in a world where people are good and kind to each other. You're right that anger can be a healthy drive, but anger can also be really overwhelming and get out of hand if you feed it too much, so you've got to slowly turn the burner down from "bout to go postal" way down to a calm simple "This is not what I expected. I deserve better.". At that very very low simmer, it's still a productive drive, it's still an affirmation of your dignity, but it hasn't become self-destructive or cruel.

idk, hope that helps, comrade

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Anger is the response when attachment doesn't get what it wants