askchapo

I think it's helpful to have a healthy outlet for it. I have relationships where we can vent and get it out, and it feels better just releasing it. Not every friend and romantic partner is good for this, so you gotta choose the right person. Venting on Hexbear is also free, if you gotta do that, then it's OK.

Some people find journaling helpful. If you can afford it, you can do therapy, it did help me to vent my bs.

I think it's absolutely fine to need to complain about shit that happened to you in the past. It's really hard to let go if you're stuck in the "I'm not allowed to discuss this feeling in my head" process that a lot of people can get trapped in due to their circumstances. Like not everyone has the social or financial resources. Honestly, I didn't until quite recently.

If you want to complain about your ex in this thread, I'm cool with it. I needed to spend 100+ hours complaining about my ex to get over her, and I wouldn't even consider her abusive or anything.

Buddhism has good advice on this.

Or read Ch.7 of this, it's about 50 pages: https://archive.org/details/feeling-good-the-new-mood-therapy/page/n17/mode/1up

smoke ouid

I get so intensely pulled into hobbies that it's hard to focus on anything else, so working on some hobby project is usually a good way for me to forget about shitty things and shitty people. Anime and/or weed can also be effective for that purpose. Oh also, my dog can sense when I'm upset and will do her best to comfort me, so that helps quite a bit too.

I don’t really deal with it. I just scream into the void or pillow until i become tired and sleep

I heard once that anger is a misalignment with your expectations and reality. Once I heard that, it helped me navigate my anger a bit better.

Like, for instance, you expected better treatment and behavior from your Ex. I think it was totally normal and understandable to expect that. I'm angry at the inhuman cruelty of capital, because I expect to live in a world where people are good and kind to each other. You're right that anger can be a healthy drive, but anger can also be really overwhelming and get out of hand if you feed it too much, so you've got to slowly turn the burner down from "bout to go postal" way down to a calm simple "This is not what I expected. I deserve better.". At that very very low simmer, it's still a productive drive, it's still an affirmation of your dignity, but it hasn't become self-destructive or cruel.

idk, hope that helps, comrade

unhealthily

During a hard period of time for me when I was also rightfully angry about some fucked up family shit, it really helped to just sit down with my guitar and vent all my anger by playing music, and now the hard times have become better but the guitar skills stay

It's not for everyone definitely, but any hobby will probably help to redirect that anger instead of going through the events over and over again in your head

I did some therapy for anger issues, and one thing I realized is that anger, for me at least, is an emotion that feels safer and more powerful to experience than what I'm actually feeling. Hurt, insecurity, sadness. It helped me to get into the habit, when I'm getting angry, to ask myself if there's another feeling that I am masking with anger.

I came to a realization that my anger is mostly a useless emotion, it was hurting me, not the things I was mad at. I decided to reserve my anger for only when it was useful. Even then it was problematic, because unleashing my anger selectively could work to achieve things, but it still made me feel terrible, hurt personal relationships and other people, and I felt like I lost control of myself.

Now I try to look at the reasons why I'm angry, what I can do about it, and put off acting on it until I've calmed down. Communicating without anger works as well or better than communicating through anger.

I don't know if this is the right way to deal with it, but it mostly works for me. Sometimes anger still overtakes me and I stew in it, but I try to distract myself until it passes.

My therapist made me realize I don't really get angry at anyone but myself, because I have pretty much no sense of self worth therefore whenever someone crosses my boundaries I just grin and take it. Maybe try childhood trauma?

I 3D-rotate various kinds of swords in my mind.

Writing helps me get it out of my head, and also sharpens my thoughts on the subject, hones it and prunes it into something shapely and defined, so that it makes sense and doesn't take up too much space in my head when I think about it. I've said goodbye on the page to people I used to be so close with, was so angry at what they did. Now the feeling has simmered into a low bitterness that doesn't bother me as long as I don't bother it.

Going into the woods near my house and screaming my lungs out into a backpack seems to help

Being humbled by God after making reckless decisions due to self pity as well

Speaking as someone who is both an introvert, and left an abusive relationship; For me personally, this is the kind of thing that talking and venting with other people, out in the wild or in your trusted circle, is for.

Easier said than done if you don't have those relationships already, but whether it's family, friends, that nice neighbour you trust or a bunch of friendly strangers. Human connections helped me massively.

If it's a trusting enough relationship, you might be able to say "I have stuff going on, do you mind if I talk to you about it for a bit?". Otherwise, just relaxing with friendly people and re-establishing what a normal, healthy, happy social dynamic is and bathing in it can sometimes be enough.

I just kind of get bitter and never stop. I'm still mad at times about things that happened 20 years ago.

If it's not a white hot fury that makes you actually lose your shit and go on a final adventure - I broke baseball bats on trees the one time that happened. And my hands too lol - I'd suggest doing something constructive with your anger that burns energy. It can be productive or destructive but it's got to be something you can channel your passionate hate into so you're left with a more sober and cold feelings.

cope and seethe quietly

I think it helps to forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. Forgiveness in the sense of coming to an understanding that you are not perfect or omniscient, and that you can and should still lead a life of meaning and happiness outside of the past grievances, or understanding that you should, because of them.

Your ex, your abusive parent, sibling, boss, or friend have come and gone and the scars and wounds are remnants of those times but they don't define you. Forgiving yourself is understanding that you define who you are, and you can choose what you can be. It sounds cliche, but as anyone who has suffered can tell you, anger itself is also just enervating.

There has to be a life beyond a past grievance, fantasy of retribution. Or else you'll be doomed to repeat those mistakes and relive those feelings, because your minds unconscious way of reproducing the traumas in order to overcome them this time around will just remain on loop.

Resentment and anger isn't worthwhile. It isn't cathartic. It isn't vindicating.

What it is, is torture. Forgiveness isn't absolution but transcendence of the pain. So let it go.

There's that zen parable about anger. It's like picking up a burning coal from a fire two throw at someone but you just burn yourself

Get a little trinket you can put your anger into. Something that you can rub with your thumb like a polished stone or the back of a spoon. When you are angry rub that little fuck and put all your hate and anger in it while telling yourself their deeds will come back on them and the suffering they cause to you is going to go back to them. Once the object has all the anger and hate you think it will hold put it somewhere with a connection to the subject of your rage. Then let it all go and trust that you are leaving that anger with them.

Depends on who the anger is directed to and why, sometimes I'll have elaborate revenge fantasies or wish death on them which isn't healthy, other times venting to other people or imagining venting to other people so I don't annoy people irl just talking shit and being angry all the time, might try to imagine why they did what they did which is a mixed bag; sometimes ill get more mad if its similar or in my mind not as bad as what I experienced and sometimes it'll calm me down and make me do some self reflection

Time is the most helpful thing for me but I think that's more because during that time I let myself feel all my feelings and wallow in them a little before actually trying to heal

Felt the same way after breaking up with ex. I just had to sit it out I guess. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep because of the feeling and distracting myself was difficult. After half a year of talking about it with friends and just thinking about it and trying to figure out what exactly made my ex do the shitty things he did I kind of accepted that he’s a bad person but not worth as much of my time.

I don’t think there’s a magical way to suddenly not be angry anymore, you just have to go through it for a while.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that though.

Do you have someone you can vent to about it? Sometimes that helps.

It sorta depends on the scale of the anger, for me.

If it's momentary, reading a book or doing drugs that make me largely incapable of violence (non-alcohol downers, muscle relaxants, etc.). Drugs can be a bit of a trap though, being too reliant on them to manage emotions is dangerous.

If it's long term, therapy is where it's at. It's also good to find something useful to direct your anger towards.

Time heals a lot of wounds.

Is that anger or like trauma? I dunno if anger management is the correct treatment plan. How long ago was the inciting incident?

Depends on the situation. Sometimes I vent to people I trust. Sometimes I get pretty passive aggressive.if I get angry enough I start crying.

i'm completely burnt out and can't do anything about my or the world's problems so i just try to keep the hose on as much as possible and minimize time where i'm alone with my thoughts.