this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2024
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A Boring Dystopia
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I'm a little surprised that I've never seen bluetooth pressure switches in office chairs to lock workstations when the employee stands up.
Because clearly you need more meddling in your workflow for the sake of security theater.
Pressure plate? Obviously it should be a chair mounted butt plug that locks the screen when removed from anus.
And it gives you electric shocks when you're unproductive. What is productive or not is judged by an AI that us entirely inadequate for the task, so everybody gets random shocks.
And at some point you start enjoying them.
Unless managent has approved your butt leaving the seat...
Or a smartcard based login where you could just remove the card
I was at a company once where they had this. They used a pin for the pc and the smartcard was used everywhere.. opening doors to get to the toilet, paying for lunch.
Employees said it was excellent, as you could not really forget it cause corridor separators had badge locks.. so you can't get anywhere without the card. and once you pull it from the key oards built in reader, the pc locked.
Yeah, I worked in a secure facility that did this and it felt both secure and reasonable. I just kept my card on a lanyard to my belt so I literally couldn't walk away without pulling the card.
I remember surge strips that had infrared sensors to see if there was someone at the desk. Easy way to power off the old CRT monitors and save energy if away.