this post was submitted on 07 Nov 2024
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[–] [email protected] 73 points 2 weeks ago (9 children)

Huh.....I spent so much of my life concentrated on the fact that Mary was a lying slut who absolutely had sex with someone. Thus making Jesus not only NOT God's child, but also by definition a bastard.....that I never thought about the story from the perspective of it being true. If you take the story at face value, and God impregnated Mary in her sleep? That makes God a rapist who didn't get consent.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yep. Pretty fucked no matter which way you look at it...

Has anyone informed you of Sithrak the Blind Gibberer?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

All hail the God Who Hates You Unconditionally 👌

[–] [email protected] 40 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

"No worse than us, mind."

I find this religion refreshingly honest and egalitarian. I might convert.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

If the only piece of advice on how to live you get from a religion is "Stay alive as long as you can!" That's still better than a lot of the rest of them.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago

Oglaf is a fucking treasure

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Actually an angel appeared and told Mary she was chosen. She said "aight bet." So, technically consent.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago

Your boss shows up and says, “you’ve been chosen”. Say no and you’re fired…

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Jesus was a bastard who was BFFs with a prozzie, did violence against the wealthy, and spurned authority. God might not listen to Slayer, but I reckon Jesus would have

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Right? Jesus was a real one. Christianity should be metal AF.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

In school I tried to bring up this theory that the three wise men all thought they were the father and came bearing gifts for that reason and mary was either lying or totally clueless/tricked. It wasn't well received but nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

nobody was able to refute it with relevant bile quotes or anything.

Unclear if typo, or powerful statement.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

A little from column A, a little from column B? ;-)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

bile is an important part of your body's functions, don't compare it to the silly storybook

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Mary was not virgin until they changed the story later around A.D. 300, during the Romain Catholic Church.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Oh. Damn. I only heard the story AFTER 300AD. I was late to the game, I guess.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

You have a source to read that up? At least in 452, they (some) were already pretty sure about her being virgin.

Dioscorus then moved to depose Flavian of Constantinople and Eusebius of Dorylaeum on the grounds that they taught the Word had been made flesh and not just assumed flesh from the Virgin and that Christ had two natures.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Council_of_Chalcedon

Edit: the bible was written ca. 300 after christ tho. Probably because of this.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

452 is after 300 so that would be consistent with OP, however, here's a "source" such as it is claiming her virginity in 150 AD https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_James

OP might be confusing the adipartheos of Mary - the belief that she was a virgin before, during and after the birth of Christ. Some even go as so far as to imply Jesus wasn't born like a human and emerged in some other way, which I'll leave to the readers imagination.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Jesus is still a bastard too.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah I never heard of God getting married.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

That makes God a rapist who didn’t get consent.

If we take the story at face value, he did get consent.

And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

  • Luke 1:38
[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Man.....dirty talk sure was different back then.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

Behold! My loins are awaiting thyself!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

No way, Religion is all a sham? MIND=BLOWN