this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
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NonCredibleDefense

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[–] [email protected] 94 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

How exactly does masturbating prevent you from military service?

[–] [email protected] 144 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 57 points 3 weeks ago

And your hands get all hairy

[–] [email protected] 44 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago

Oh, and your rifle gets all slippery!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Can I do it till I need glasses? lol

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

They’ll just give you government issue glasses

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

Yup, gotta keep at it until you can't see the screen anymore. AFAIK, the military doesn't do braille.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

This is just a poor translation. It's a colloquialism to say you're jacking off when you're lazy and doing nothing. In fact, it's the same colloquialism in English. We literally say the exactly same thing when we call someone useless. What's really interesting in my opinion is you already know this. Yet because it's from a translation and you know that, your brain didn't think about the colloquialisms. It's kind of crazy how our brains work.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I'm aware of the colloquialism but I also thought that this is something Chinese party officials might plausibly say. You know, something something Western decadence.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

I thought the same. Isn’t the party kind of anti porn?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Decadence isn't exactly the word I'd use to describe masturbation.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Sex shouldn’t be for fun. It is work for procreation of the superior culture. That time jacking off could have been spent contributing to the GDP.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago

+100 social credit

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

If it weren't fun there would be no humans

Perhaps we should be paid to fap so it does contribute to the GDP

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

Are you a CPC official?

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

That's boring tho lets go with the masturbation jokes

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

Leave a man idle enough time and he'll end up masturbating that's where the relationship goes to the colloquialism for everyone. I cna tell you in Spanish we use the same colloquialism.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

When the mortar tube is clogged with cum...

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

And that's how you learned the company Fleshlight has a hole in the back.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Post-nut clarity makes you realize what a bad idea joining the military would be.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

After a good fap I realised that this is the most plausible explanation.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago

Hold on, I'm almost there.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

When they won’t get their dicks out of their hands in formation, it’s very distracting for others.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

They are too exhausted from masturbating to pass the fitness test.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Something something male essence

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

I don't avoid women Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence