this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2024
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politics

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 10 months ago (2 children)
  • Is Donald Trump secretly a cyborg with malfunctioning speech synthesis software?
  • Could he have accidentally taken Valium instead of his daily multivitamins?
  • Did someone place a curse on him using an ancient Mayan spell for turning people into slow-talking zombies?
  • Was he subjected to some top-secret government mind control experiment gone wrong?
  • Has he been possessed by the ghost of James Earl Jones?
  • Did aliens kidnap him, replaced him with a clone whose vocal chords were damaged during birth?
  • Did he take part in a hypnotherapy session to become a more relaxed version of himself?
  • Does he have a severe case of sleep apnea only exhibited when speaking in public?
  • Was he attempting to record a hilarious hidden track for his next presidential album?
  • Were his vocal cords affected by a mishap while eating spicy food before the event?
  • Is there a chance he's suffering from a neurological disorder such as Parkinson's Disease?
  • Is it possible he's now fluent in Klingon and we're all misinterpreting his guttural growls?
  • Could it be that he has a rare form of laryngitis caused by shouting too loudly over the years?
  • Or perhaps, he's being remotely controlled by a puppet master through voice commands?
[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago

Truly, questions were raised.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I read this in Tucker Carlson’s voice.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

And I will thank my lucky stars I have no fucking clue what that sounds like. Instead, I'll go with Kermit. Or Marvin, the Martian, who is similar because I'm not very good with voices.