21
Hot and Cold (lemmy.ml)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Does anyone else vacillate between feeling hot (attractive) and repellant?

Some days I feel like all the women around me find me desirable, and other days I feel like none of them do. I rarely feel 'in between'.

I don't really like feeling either extreme. For one thing, I don't trust either feeling! Feeling unattractive is obviously a bad feeling, but feeling ultra attractive is also bad. It leads me to uncomfortable fantasies and an inability to distinguish normal interactions from flirtation.

Does anyone else feel like this?

all 18 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Sure, but I'm also nearly 50 so sometimes I look at myself and think I really should scrape together the money for Botox, and then I catch some guy ogling my tits and wonder what I'm worried about because I don't particularly want male attention in general, because I am OVER it.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

I've never been ogled, but still I can imagine it loses any novelty pretty quickly.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

It does. But also relationships do when you're almost 50.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

I'm 45 and have been married to the same woman for over 20 years. I love her very much but I also can't help but wonder sometimes what dating would be like now.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

I can't imagine! I've been married 26 years and I've never even online dated. I don't think I'm cut out for it. It seems unreal. My friend has tons of success on those sites and says for every women there are like 50 men clamoring for her attention. But I'm really not that into love anymore myself.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

That's funny. I have had male friends get divorced in their 30s and 40s say that they are hot commodities among women their own age. They never date for long before ending up in another LTR though.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Nope, born a minger, still a minger

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

One person's minger is another persons treasure.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Yes, yes I do.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Sorry, no, I always feel pretty much as attractive as I am.

Which is extremely attractive to some people, and average or below average to most other people.

It completely depends on other people for me. I'm not attracted to myself, so my sense of attractiveness also does not come from me.

Which means I do actually "feel" differently attractive. Is this maybe what you're talking about?

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

I feel it much more depending on my grooming. Not so much in terms of smell, as I take care of that pretty well, but in terms of keeping my hair kempt, and beard trimmed and shaved neatly which I'm often lazy about.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

That could also be part of it for me. I'm that average white dude that's bald with a beard. I definitely feel better with my head and neck freshly buzzed.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Well I like how I look but I don't really think about attractiveness if that makes any sense? It's more that I might accidentally run into someone who I emotionally suddenly click with. It's pretty rare!

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

I definitely notice that depending on how I'm dressed women will or won't look at me or choose to stand next to me out in public. I've got a jacket that I'm not sure what it signals, but it causes women to much more frequently stand beside me when waiting for the train.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Yes I have this going on. It seems to me that people either desperately want me, or they’re disgusted with me. Nobody seems to just ignore me.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

I'm not even talking about actual external feedback. Like, this is all purely in my head as far as I know.

this post was submitted on 20 Feb 2024
21 points (78.4% liked)

Asklemmy

42608 readers
833 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS