this post was submitted on 05 Jun 2023
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menby

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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
      • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

When it got to the "Korean student moves into a dorm down my hallway" part, I immediately thought that he was going to be happily gay because that's an easy way out of not finding girls. RIP my straight mans

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

try this neat little lifehack

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

i feel bad for people adopted from other countries to a mayo family. like even though im a communist i feel like adopting a black kid is just a bad idea for me for example, there is absolutely no way i can give them proper survival experience for a black person in a white supremacist country. at the very least it just sucks that so many of these kids arent usually given many ties to other asian people that can give advice and advocate for each other in these terrible situations, makes the kid lose out on so much

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I can only assume by the image size this is a Marxist meme

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It's a rage comic made by a kissless virgin

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

"everyone who is lonely and doesn't have sex is a rage filled danger to society"

In what way is the author angry here

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago

Thanks I'll be vigilant 🫡

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

A "Rage Comic" is a kind of stock meme-template from a good while ago. That's what he's referring to.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I thought we called those incels these days?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Adopted from an early age to white family

Lived in all white community for his formative years

Absolutely none of his family friends and relatives were Asian

Ostracized and bullied by his peers throughout primary education because of his race

Brutal, usually east Asian diaspora in the west form a network amongst each other made up of other migrants from the same area with a shared general culture. It is difficult to grow up in a foreign white majority country amongst people who don't have a shared understanding about how it's like.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Looking forward to the sequel this guy released right before shooting up a salon or something

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's super unfair and really diminishes his struggle.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Hey thanks for the reminder you guys almost ate the "doing a school shooting was the only effective way of being seen as a transgender person" bait post

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

"Mild mannered depressed single men are dangers to society."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Comic reeks of incel vibes. Like I can agree that it’s fucked up that it’s legal for white people to adopt kids but cmon guy, your sexual frustration is a capital You problem. And frankly your identity as an east Asian makes you barely poc to begin with, like you are only allowed in the club because you have some leverage. We are still waiting for justice for Latasha Harlins.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

frankly your identity as an east Asian makes you barely poc to begin with, like you are only allowed in the club because you have some leverage.

Lol

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

"Joined 12 days ago"

Every time

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

This is kind of true for any minority growing up in a majority white community. I kind of went through the same thing as a mestizo man in Upstate New York for most of my time there. Had almost the exact same mindset that being non-white made it harder to date. Then high school hit and girls started to call me attractive. While race played a part for sure during the early years, being fat and very socially awkward made it even worse.

He mentions preferring to be alone and I have a feeling his social skills might not be the best. Charisma can turn a 5/10 into an 11/10.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

The idea of a dating site where they're all like "yep black people and Hispanics and middle eastern folk are all ok to me, it's just the Asians and nothing else" is pretty bad NGL. No dude, they get treated just the same.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I knew this shitty comic is complete bullshit as soon as I saw that checkmark next to Black. Absolutely nobody who isn't Black is online dating other Black people while simultaneously unchecking Asian for extremely obvious racist reasons. Do I need to link that notorious now-deleted OKCupid article about how race affects the messages you get? Notice how surprise, surprise, Black people get shitted on more than any other racial group once again. But this simple fact is awfully inconvenient with the particular narrative this comic is trying to espouse, that of the Asian man being uniquely disadvantaged in dating.

Why are so many people here falling for some shitty comic shitted out by some probably-not-even-Asian incel?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I mean Asian men are ranked lowest by women, and black women are ranked lowest by men (according to that OKCupid article you were talking about):

Rudder wrote that user data showed that most men on the site rated black women as less attractive than women of other races and ethnicities. Similarly, Asian men fell at the bottom of the preference list for most women.

https://www.npr.org/2018/01/09/575352051/least-desirable-how-racial-discrimination-plays-out-in-online-dating

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have quite a few Asian guy friends, and many of them gripe about this. Also I can't get over the number of women (Asian, white, whatever) that say that they don't date Asian men. I legit think this is a real thing that disproportionately affects Asian guys.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Pretty easy to go on dating sites rn and see things like "no darkies" or other wording that makes it clear they don't date any minority so it's not just Asian guys.