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I have always been "non-traditional" looking. When I was young and skinny I don't think I was ugly but certainly not conventionally beautiful. Now that I'm older I am certifiably "meh".
The expectation to look pretty (for men) is still there even if I don't meet the criteria for their attention. I still feel the societal pressure, I still feel bad about my appearance when I'm not serving male gaze ideals. It doesn't just go away even when you're disqualified from personhood for being ugly.
I'm hoping becoming an old biddy will release me from requirements and I can feel free.
Interesting that you still internalize the pressure. Maybe that's a result of how much women are guided to be objects of sexual interest from youth?
As a guy, I can dress as poorly as I want and not feel less manly because of it. I will still feel stigma about class and stuff, though.
I've definitely heard that being old is liberating! I hope I get there someday.
I'm a 50-year-old lady, and just last week some dood pulled over his truck to ask me if I was single. They don't go away, you're just a LOT less interested.
I'm oblivious and always have been. I assume every smile is a friendly smile and I'm ok chatting with almost anyone. I only really notice if someone says something creepy or touches me too much. My husband accuses me of flirting with everyone.
This is how you enjoy life. Make people happy being around you, and they do the same for you.
I've heard that from my wife too; I just like chatting with strangers!
I’ve lost weight (finally in the healthy range for my height) and I’ve noticed more guys look at me when I walk by than when I was overweight. I don’t mind and it doesn’t really affect me. I decided a long time ago that what people think about me is their own business and idgaf.
I’ve also got catcalled more while walking, which is not fun and does bother me.
Have you ever gotten the classic whistle? I feel like that's just in movies.
I've gotten the whistle. Only when I was a teenager though. Seems the type of man who whistles doesn't like adult women
No, more like “Hey, baby!” and “Nice ass!” A couple of times they yelled, “Bitch!” or something similar after, which makes me feel a bit threatened so I watch for the car the rest of the walk, which is annoying and inconvenient.
I wonder if that stuff ever works and guys hear about a friend of a friend who got a date that way, or if they're all just independantly shouting into the void.
I could almost imagine someone responding positively to "nice ass", but "Bitch" is just obviously never gonna work. That's some incel energy there.
I think it’s about power or a different mindset (as in, “they will take it as a compliment”). And the “Bitch” was only after I didn’t turn around to look at them when they yelled the “compliment”, I think. They didn’t get the response they wanted so they determined I was a bitch.
I try to do drive by compliments, but not while literally driving ... Just stuff like "cool hat!" and walk off so they don't need to respond or engage with me.
I would like to be told I have a nice ass, but that's because it doesn't happen (even though I think I deserve it). It sounds like being hit on often cheapens it.
I'm a trans woman, have been transitioning for 10 years. It's really hit or miss whether or not people can clock me. I've had friends know me for two years without knowing I was trans.
Men ogle and catcall me frequently, it's annoying as fuck since I'm not even straight. It's flattering when queer women hit on me though. I've been both catcalled and misgendered within the same block. I also tend to have a strong social presence which is both a blessing and a curse.
Also, men cannot take no as an answer. I often pretend I have a boyfriend since creeps are more respectful of imaginary men than real women.
I'm 56.
Mostly I think younger guys trust me and see me more as a safe authority than fuckable (mostly) so I can relax around them, not worried. But there are still catcalls and shit, I fully expect to be 90 and have someone yell "lookin' spry, grandma!". Don't think that is actually about how you look, those guys are relentless.
My trajectory may be different from most, I was a very skinny tall girl in a world where that was most assuredly not seen as sexy, so I didn't feel pretty as a young woman, nor did most guys see me as sexy. There were some creepy old guys into it but that sure didn't make me feel sexy at all. Also my ex liked me 'despite' my lack of curves. Fast forward 25 years, we split and in the meantime, the world had changed, the smaller boobs and lean body held up and more guys my age were into my looks, it took some time to adjust but I actually feel more attractive and sexy in my mid 50s than I did in my 20s or 30s. Don't look better in an absolute sense (if I could have been young now, I mean, with the wider beauty standards) but in relation to my peers, definitely better now.
That makes sense. I feel more attractive now than when I was in my 20s, too, though I still doubt the college girls would be interested even if I were.
Your ex, man. I would never say something like that to anyone. It's the sort of thing that might stick with you.
It fluctuates because there are a few factors at play, two of them being my stigma and the condition itself. They might gaze at me for the visual appeal while looking down on me in every other sense of the word, they might treat me with kindness but not care about what they see because my condition turns them off, or anything in between. Typically, though, they aren't attracted to me. Some level of stigma has always been with me since birth though, it's not like my state of being which came later.
Thank you for responding, Leni. That's interesting.
You're welcome. How about you, do you have any experiences like you ask about?
Not really, I'm a cishet middle aged dude and I don't get out much.
I was thinking about how men's interactions with women are colored by their attractiveness, and I assume you can tell at least sometimes. I smiled at an old lady at the grocery store today and was thinking that she might sense that it was "only" a friendly smile, but she's presumably gotten smiles and glances that had at least a little bit of sexual interest beneath them. Dunno, just made me curious!
It's one of those things where I can sort of get an idea but never know for sure, because to try to place their reaction in my mind would be to assume it without having actually read their mind, even though the differences between how it looks when you're gazing for one reason versus another is usually consistent. For example, the other day someone was staring at me, and I thought it was the gaze of the hots until they revealed they were just daydreaming about the fact we were matching clothes, so one never really knows.
That's funny! I suppose you're right; unless he's drooling and doing AWOOGA eyes it could be something else.
The times I got the most cat calls and people in cars harassing me was when I was extremely, clearly, underaged. Now I'm much older and fatter and invisible. I fucking hate being looked upon by anyone though. Let me become data inside a small spikey robot ball.
I'm sorry to hear that. My wife was booted at and catcalled as she walked to school, so she has had a similar experience.
I could be happily be a robot, but if I could be anything I think I'd be a new world monkey like a Spider Monkey. Having a tail would be dope.
I remember the day I finally realized I was being left alone. It has been glorious. Best part of getting older. It's so nice to simply exist in my own space.
Are you asking as a male or someone who’s transitioning out of young womanhood?
I'm a boring guy like from an insurance commercial, just curious what it's like on the other side and especially in the way that experience changes! The categories in the title were the first I thought of for people who may have passed through or into a peak of sexual desirability. It's probably fraught question, and I'm sure I'm phrasing it indelicately.
Are you wearing khakis?
Kakhi shorts and a polo, yes! May I interest you in saving on your insurance by bundling home and auto?