The problem is, everyone THINKS that they're the woman in this meme.
this post was submitted on 10 Aug 2024
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True, in reality everyone in the ghoul. Dating does become harder the older you get. When you're 18 and you date an 18 year old, both have very little life and dating experience. You basically mix water with water. When you're 35, you're vinegar and even if you like your date, she might be oil and you just don't mix. You have to compromise, which only gets harder and harder.
It's not harder, objectively.
It's just that people's expectations aren't realistic. And nobody is more bitter than average folks who think they are the top 1% of the dating pool, which is what the average person thinks. So many people in the dating pool make like 50k/yr and think you should be a millionaire to date them.
I've met so many women who are complete average looking, average income, etc. who think they DESERVE Don Draper and anything less is 'below them'. They'd rather be alone with their fantasy TV boyfriend then be in a real relationship with a person who is their equal with whom they can build a good life.
I'm a medium successful dude, and when I go out dating all I seem to encounter women who are worse than me in pretty much every metric who dunk on me for not being the top 1% man of their dreams. Like I can run a half marathon, no problem, but these ladies who can't even run a mile will dunk on me for not being in the Olympics. I have more wealth than 80% of other americans, and to most women I meet, I am 'poor'.
and if you go check out 'female dating advice' on social media... 99% of it reflects this crazy unrealistic attitude and it's SUPER popular.
Social media has destroyed dating for both sexes.
some of it is good. some social media has great/good advice... but that social media isn't popular.
because 99% of it is 'fix your own shit and stop expecting someone else to fix it for you'
The attitude of assuming all women you meet are inferior to you (and they're the ones who have too-high standards?) can also make your dating life miserable, just saying
I'm not assuming anything. I'm reporting how people behave. If I meet someone who is a middle class job and they are telling me I'm a 'POS loser' for not driving car that is worth more than their annual salary, the issue isn't me. I think my Subaru is pretty dope.
Just go on any dating tiktok or dating advice community. You will find tons and tons of people with these attitudes.
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Bad analogy. Vinegar and oil make a tasty vinaigrette but I get your point.
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I know you’re not from the South because down there the first wave of divorces is at about 21 years old with three kids
Marrying the first person you ever fuck and breeding uncontrollably only to become deeply miserable and unfulfilled in your locked down life is very human and not at all a good idea. Every success story of first love is a random aberration that fuels the myth that this should be the status quo.
Most people are a lot sluttier than that
Not all of the kids have to be theirs either.
Southerner here to confirm. I'm 36, graduated in 2004, I know a few people my age with 20 year olds now. 🙄
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And you know they’re not from NYC, LA, or SF - because there are tons of good looking single people over 35.
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Four suitors? What is she, a billionaire?!
I worked for one of the major dating sites about a decade ago. Let me assure you, that people act like debased hyperhormonal chimps in heat when they think nobody is watching. Oh, and by the way - someone is ALWAYS watching.
If you're a male who has some combination of a steady job, are remotely reliable, not drug or booze addled, have most of your teeth and hair and can tell a joke and hold a conversation - you're golden. It is UTTERLY unfair to ladies, but just being able to hold that low bar will get you much farther than you might think.
It's a strange dilemma - for a dating site to suceed, you have to protect the women. From the guys' perspective, it's shouting into the void, on the off chance you might EVER stand out enough to get a reply a week. From a woman's perspective, it's like the ozone layer protecting a constant bombardment of radiation and lethal rocks from space. A cornucopia of typically BAD CHOICES that manage to slip through the various cracks that the sites/apps put up to protect them.
But - the women ARE the site. If you have the WOMEN, then the men would follow you buck naked through the flaming tar pits of hell to get to them. But - the average male is a monosyllabic goblin with skeletons in his closet and bad intentions much more often than you'd think. It's why Bumble tried female-only communication initiation. The women on dating sites have an invisible shield tbey don't even realize exists around them to prevent bots, unsolicited dick pics, one word messages, repeat-offense harassers, and wide-net-casting quagmires who have more deeply held mysoginstic beliefs than they do good pick up lines.
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No. No it does not.
No kidding. I'm apparently the only person who has ever had an amicable divorce where we just realized we weren't compatible and never felt the need to bash each other. The post-divorce crowd can be pretty dire. They should mandate a certain number of therapy sessions before you can sign up for a dating app.
From what I've learned, it has a lot to do with attachment styles.
My ex is avoidant, with some pretty narcissistic traits (love bombing, then refusal to even hug because it's too much).
I was/am anxious, or as the couples counselor told me "clingy."
In our one-on-ones, she summarized up a book we had been assigned (which my ex didn't read lol) that it was a statistic thing. 50% of people are secure style - they meet, and tend to stay together cause it just works. ~25% are anxious, and they do ok together and work fine with secure. ~25% are avoidant, and unfortunately, unless they work towards secure attachments, are pretty much always in and out of relationships. There's a small amount of "disorganized" that has both insecure styles, but they tend towards secure over time.
The result is that the older you get, the dating pool shrinks. There will always been avoidant people available though. Secure style people are great at recognizing avoidant and typically don't put up with their bullshit for long. Anxious attachment though end up with avoidants and it becomes a terrible thing, the anxious will do anything to stay, causing the avoidant to do things out of the relationship more.
If you could guess one common thing amongst avoidants that finally ends the relationship, what would it be? If you said cheating, you'd be completely right. It's really hard to end amicably after that.
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After 35 is the first wave of divorces?
Dude most people I know don't start thinking about marriage or kids before 30
The bigger problem is everyone has kids already. But by 45 or so you can start looking for people with adult kids.
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What's the movie? I really identify with corpse #3
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I feel this in my core. Dating in your 30s is like dating at max difficulty
I find it much easier!
- People are less shy
- They have more experience
- They know better what they are looking for
- Their fantasy marriage/life has been renounced
- People are much more chill about sex matters
- Their romantic histories are quite telling
- Most people have their own place
- Careers are mostly stable
/
Cons
- Much smaller dating pool
- Many have kids already
- More difficult to make friends/meet people in general
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As a 35+ would you rather be with someone who’s had bad experiences in relationships, or no experience in relationships?
Depends how many bad experiences. If all your relationships were a bad experience, then there is a good chance you were the reason for that
Like a guy I know who is divorced four times... Thinks he has really bad luck. Nope buddy. It's you.
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The issue I have run into a lot is that they have the "wrong" kind of experience. Somewhat inline with the adage "practice doesn't make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect". I spent a lot of my teens and 20s being introspective, working on myself, and becoming the kind of person I would want to date. A lot of people I have had experiences with in my 30s spent a lot of that time in bad relationships creating reactive responses to various things rather than addressing the core issues or learning how to, and as a result they often have a lot of "bad habits" or expectations going into dating or future relationships.
I have met more than one person that has said they need someone who can be patient with them while they heal and deal with their past, while also not necessarily wanting to, or being capable of, providing that same level of patience and understanding to a partner. That seems....uhhh not really appropriate or fair? But I'm the one that's been single for quite a while, sooooo it's just as likely I could be the one with my head so far up my ass I can taste my tonsils.
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This is where I have massive respect for gay guys who just use Sniffies for outright hookups and sometimes don't even bother to learn the other guy's name. Listening to drag queen podcasts has taught me a lot, and that a sex life can be pretty straightforward for gay guys.
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I do not recognise the bodies in the water!!
No, wait, I do actually, that's Steve, he died last week, I wonder how he got a movie part after that. Lucky.
Oh, and there is Shelly, looking sexy as ever.
... oh shit.
I'm just waiting til I get to the retirement home in about 35 years, they're like huge orgies.
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