this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Genuinely though, it would not surprise anymore. We have subscription based cars selling your info to insurance companies, retroactively ammended purchase experiences everywhere, and every dang app and website harvesting as much info on you as physically possible no matter how mundane.

Dick info reporting toilets would not at all catch me by surprise at this point.

[–] RogueBanana 8 points 1 month ago

Dick info reporting seems pointless but they can add an advert screen above the urinal (which is sadly becoming common) and track your eye movement to record engagement rates.

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 month ago (4 children)

this is why I exclusively pee in the dumpster being dairy queen

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago (3 children)

A real man would do it in the trash can inside the dairy queen

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I pee on the dairy queen (with consent of course)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why is the dumpster being dairy queen?

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I find the Whataburger dumpsters are more roomy

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Don't fast food restaurants usually have a camera pointed at their dumpster? XD

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

il_1588xN.1998833855_27ng-4090175647

That's why I invest in wireless, RFID resistant, anti-flash dick screening devices. Wake up sheeple!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But does it need to be tamper proof as well?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Its not just tamper proof, it's future proof!

One day they'll want to manually inspect your cock before getting on a plane.

Well I'm sorry Mr. TSA, my WMD is none of your business.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Damn. They are automating penis inspection day? What are creeps to do now?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

We're suffering... How do you expect me to feed my family when I have to compete with HAL here?

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

Good luck, I encrypted my dick data.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"No data collected, subject not big enough to register. "

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

glad I'm not alone here.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Dick pics or it didn't happen!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What does matter is length times diameter plus weight over girth divided by angle of the tip squared.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

I have so many questions. Are you measuring angle from the vertical or the horizontal? Whereabouts should I be placing the ruler for that tangent? Are we using metric or imperial units? If metric, is it square centimetres or kilograms per cm, and if it's imperial, is it square inches or ounces per inch per square degree?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

real shit, these things are mechanical turks. they really are cameras that are live streaming to centers in third world countries. when the poorly paid operator sees you're done, he sends the flush signal to the toilet. if you've ever been in a bathroom where the "sensor is broken" and it seems to flush at random, it's because they just keep flushing it periodically if they can't get a visual. real truth

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

We were just training AI flushers this whole time?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (3 children)

34x28x16 @ 400 p.s.i. is that enough information for you?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Sorry, but no, you forgot duration it took to void, stream color, taste, smell, accuracy, flow consistency, body hair grooming, presence and degree of curvature, and overall hygiene. We've gone ahead and shared your supplied data with our 1869 advertising and heathcare partners. Thank you for opting in! We will continue to collect data at all of our established locations and now through your personal cell phone! Have a nice day!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

400 psi? Damn you could piss the paint off your house with that thing

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

At 400 pixels per square inch, 34x28x16 isn't measurements I would have shared on lemmy.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

All is fine, but I'm still curious: how many do you have?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

at least one. at most nine.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Jokes on them. They're gonna need a longer lens.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

(awkwardly long zooming noises)

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

I care a lot about my prickvacy!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

My pp information is public, Im not hiding anything - what are you people hiding??

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

How else would we keep the girls out of the mens room? I personally am willing to give up a little privacy if it means protection from A foreign government, besides you don’t have anything to worry about as long as you have a dick, and to those arguing that those of us with smaller than average members might get thrown in prison unjustly I say just grow a bigger slong, Besides are people with small penis really men? I mean yeah technically it’s on there birth certificate but come on.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Small penises are a lifestyle choice

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

LMAO, jokes on them not going to be able to see mine without a microscope.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Error: Please make sure your junk fills up the entire target area for accurate data collection.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

fwiw if it dont autoflush just press the smaller black dot

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (2 children)

My dick won't reach that high

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

sounds like a personal problem

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Skill issue

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

How does no one I work with understand this?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Jokes on them, my dick information is already all over the web!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

They just forgot the cookie banner

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

ooo so that's why they never seem to work, makes so much sense now! /j

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"Not looking, not looking at your penis at all. " ... "So sorry about your penis." [Little Britain]

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