this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2024
173 points (97.8% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35884 readers
1079 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

this is what scares me the most, because I need the money.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 94 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Everyone else is right. Try to line something new up first. But I was once in the position of quitting without something lined up, and the decider for me was that if I didn't quit, I was likely to actually take my own life. It's a matter of perspective at that point, and clearly, surviving was the better option.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

I had a miserably toxic job, and, yeah, I know that pit of despair and what it does to our decisions. I opened the search to the world, but came up with a domestic job about 3000mi away.

I grabbed the go-bag and all but bugged the fuck out, quitting on a Thursday, boarding a plane on a Friday and starting my new job on the Monday. She sold the house, got the movers (fuck moving) and shepherded all our worldlies to the new place. She's not military but she faked it really well.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If you need the money then start looking for jobs now, and quit when you've got something.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

This is true.

Look, the moment you know you need a new job, you're done at the current shop. So get looking.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I’ve left two jobs because they were toxic. I always had something else lined up beforehand though.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I left a few toxic jobs before. At one I left with my middle fingers in the air, throwing chicken nuggets from a bucket at employees I didn't like on my way out. And then when I saw my fat manager I just went MOOOOOOO on my way out.

20 years later, still worth it. I still laugh.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago

I feel like everyone deserves at least one job related "fuck you" style moral victory in their lives and that qualifies for sure.

For me it was when the WORST manager I have ever had called me back a year after I quit to ask me to come work for her again and got to laugh in her face and tell her I'd have happily accepted half the pay at her place to scrub toilets as long as it wasn't working with her, but instead I was making double what she paid me to do my dream job.

I've never done cocaine, BUT I'm pretty sure I know what it feels like.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago

When a job is toxic, I send off a job application for someplace else every evening. It makes the job I have bearable cause I feel like I'm already gone but the toxic boss still thinks they have power over me. Gives me a chuckle.

Every time I left a job to find something better, I doubled my salary as well.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The requirement for a steady paycheque is what keeps everyone working in terrible conditions. I'm lucky enough that I've always had a lot in savings and it has come in handy a few times. Twice I've walked off a job and never went back after failing to negotiate proper working conditions with the boss. Both times I burned through about $10,000 in savings while searching for a new job. Almost nobody has that much saved up. If they did, terrible bosses would lose employees on the regular.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

Bingo. Low paycheck is not only because of greedy bastard want all the revenue, it's to keep poor people poor, preventing them from become a competitor. If employees live paycheck to paycheck, wear themselves out everyday, work long hours, and demoralised, they will very likely to stay. It's learned helplessness.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 weeks ago

Answer based on European standard where worker have some basic rights

  • Not happy in the job : do the bare minimum while looking for something else guarantees that pay keeps coming, worst-case they fire-you giving you a severance pay (not necessarily big if you're new in the company) and keeping your right to unemployment (which in general are lost when you quit).

  • Toxic environment impacting mental health : Go to your doctor and take sick-leaves, and please do it before being in full burn out, then come back to previous point

  • Very toxic environment, like harassment : Talk with a lawyer or an union representative you may have a case to sue the company, and even quit on the spot while keeping severance pay and unemployment rights, but you may-need a legal advise for it

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Don't quit, slowdown, make them fire you, collect unemployment and get a better job

[–] treadful 17 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Bad advice for a toxic workplace. That's just going to ruin your mental health.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I see that in the bad spots, though -- people are looking but not landing a new post, so they cope by doing the minimums, peacing out on the dot and getting their sleep. They no longer care about the success of the company, and while that's admirable, it's a social issue to abandon the tribe and it can eat on people.

I'm so happy when they land a new post, happier still if I do before I just .... stop going. And that's what I do: I lose interest in going if I can't find a new post within the year I usually allow (I'm picky).

This last move I told my boss he had a year. It was like 13 months.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago

I just one day said fuck it and gave notice with no plan. I burnt out to the point I was probably getting fired if I stuck around much longer. Besides, If I stayed I was going to quit life instead.

It was a miserable month or 2 of draning my savings finding a new job and I had to take a small pay cut once I did. It was worth it alone for the better work environment.

Line something up if you can, but get out before it gets worse for you.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

Do the math. See how rational the fear is. Whatever the result, admit you're afraid and decide if you also want to be brave and act despite the fear. Make a plan. Start working on it. Hopefully things are better on the other side, but either way that fear will pass.

Fear is a natural part of human life. Often useful, but also often not. But as long as you can manage to act despite your fear, it won't harm you.

Ok, cortisol and stress exist, but you have bigger things to worry about.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I call it "the fear". Being unemployed or underemployed or having the risk of no income fills me with it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

This is why I have two jobs. The second one fills with work until every 5 years it seems I abandon the day job and bulk up on the second job to make ends meet and burn its queue down.

It's not intentional but it works out that way.

No. I haven't doubled my salary, but I'm on the wrong side of 40 where I'm happy to be employed in this toxically ageist field.

My wife has done super well and sometimes beats my day job pay cheque, so we finally have that buffer too. And she doesn't quit her jobs as she's a super team player and instead gets promoted to fix problems. (Kinda got a crush on her for being so awesome)

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

Always line something else up first. If possible, also have enough money to last 3-6 months without a job - makes things a hell of a lot less stressful. We would essentially just bank any bonuses throughout the year, and it would afford us a nice nest egg in case something ever happened. However it needs to remain untouched.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

Toxic jobs really take a toll on your health, especially if you feel trapped in them. Looking for a new job is really a full time job on itself, it can be hard to do so while already working a full time job. If you feel your job is toxic you should start looking for something new right away - whether you've given notice or not. I've ended up in the hospital twice from the toll toxic jobs that I felt trapped in took on me. Another thing you can consider is diversifying your income. Ie, a "side hustle". If you have more than one income stream you won't be quite as trapped. You also will have something to help buffer the transition between your real jobs.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

I quit jobs on the spot in the past back when I was working minimum wage jobs but the only job that I have ever quit without a backup plan was my first big boy job post college.

I worked there for 3 years and I kept getting overlooked for promotions even though I was the number one or number two performer every single month.

It was a contract job and nobody could tell me why I was not getting pay raises or promotions.

One day it just snapped and I was like all right I'm going to quit and I put in my two weeks notice. I told my wife at the time about it and she asked me what am I going to do for money and I said I don't know, I guess I will work multiple jobs until I land on my feet and so I had this plan to work two or three full-time minimum wage jobs if need be to keep money coming in while my job search was going on.

Then, a friend of mine told me he had turned down a job offer for a local college and asked me if I wanted to put my hat in the ring and I said yes and I got the job.

It paid what I should have been making at the job I was at with additional responsibilities commensure it to my skill on top of that I ended up working there for the next 3 years.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

Always be looking for a new job, you never know when a new boss arrives and makes it horrible.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

Definitely recommend looking while you still have a job like others have said. I will say, I’ve left one extremely toxic workplace in my life and I actually ended up making more money at a place that is better for my mental health. So it can definitely work out that way

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Toxic jobs drain your life, even when you leave work you're worried about work, worried about getting fired from the toxic job...unless you can scrape together a small amount of money saved. If you're sitting at home spending what little extra you have trying to distract yourself from thinking about work recognize that that cycle will NEVER END. Make it your mission to save every damn penny you can until you have a small amount of savings.

When you have that money, you'll notice that you're not quite as worried about being fired because you know you'll be able to pay your rent/mortgage next money, you'll have food on the table, and you'll be able to cover the bare minimum of costs to live. The situation has now changed dramatically because you could quit tomorrow if you needed to, and you'll be okay next month.

Working the toxic job has now stopped being a necessity, and now its a choice you make. You choose to be there. You have the power now. You can choose to quit and be gone if you absolutely need to and you're not going to be homeless. Now you work the toxic job not for them, but for yourself. You use that job, as toxic as it is, to get what you need out of it to raise yourself to the next level of what you need to go elsewhere. You're also not trying to avoid thinking about work because you're not scared of it. You have some mental capacity back and can start asking yourself what you want to do next, what you need to do that, and how to get those things accomplished. Is it more school? A certification of some kind? A tool needed for your trade? Experience? Maybe you can get that experience at your toxic employer. Volunteer for what the work is that would give you the experience. You're going to make mistakes in this new work. Make your mistakes there at the toxic employer. Gain the knowledge you need, then start looking elsewhere all.

Find your new/better employer, and make your escape.

[–] treadful 4 points 3 weeks ago

Agree with everything else but maybe not this:

You can choose to quit and be gone if you absolutely need to and you’re not going to be homeless. Now you work the toxic job not for them, but for yourself. You use that job, as toxic as it is, to get what you need out of it to raise yourself to the next level of what you need to go elsewhere.

The stress of losing the job is gone from having the money, but the stress of having that job has not gone away. If it is ruining all your free time it's often good to just GTFO as soon as is reasonable.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Well yeah, that's why some people stay in toxic jobs unfortunately.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

I've never been paid enough to really do anything but feed myself, so I've never had to choose between working a shitty job and being homeless. Yet.

If I ever got a job that paid me enough to afford rent, I'd definitely be less willing to bail unless it was really shitty.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

It scared the shit out of me, but was one of the best decisions I took, on my next job I learned to impose limits from the start.

I managed to find something very soon, but if I were in a similar position nowadays I would first find something new.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

I tried to have something else lined up each time, but tbh the financial hit from quitting a job where I was overworked was not nearly as bad as how I felt after my job each day. If you have some skills, offer to do oddjobs. Offer to detail friend's cars, mow lawns, and pump up the quantity of applications.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Yes, I was terrified, but I was also having a mental breakdown. I called my mom sobbing and she was actually the one who told me to quit. I was lucky that she was around because I leaned on her for about two months.

If you can, look for a job, even if it's gig work, before quitting. I know it sucks, but finding a job will be your new activity. In the mean time, switch to the bare minimum. Take longer breaks, use sick time, etc. Don't burn any bridges. Spend time making a really nice resume/cover letter. Maybe even see if you can use some work resources before you tell them you're out.

If you can't stand it a second longer, I would sit down and see what you have and how long you can last. Finding a job without a residence (in the US anyway) is difficult, so I would not do anything that would leave you homeless. Let people around you know if you have such people. Tell your friends, parents, etc., so they know that you may be needing support. Do not tell anyone from work until you're ready to go. Make a budget. Make one for if you have literally no money coming in so you can see the worse case scenario and have that be your starting point. You may even want to look around for food banks and so forth, especially churches during this time of year. It may not be everyday, but they do dinners more often in the winter. Write them down or save them somewhere that odes not require internet/service.

Good luck. I wish you you happiness.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

Good advice on leaning on food banks. Yes rice and beans suck every meal. Every bowl you eat just think about how temporary this is. You will one day be able to eat aldis toquitos, pizza and chicken nuggies like the good old days.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

I’ve never had trouble finding new work, so it hasn’t been too scary for me. Once I got laid off and found another job before the severance ran out but that job turned out to be a disaster and I got laid off there as well, only months later. That was definitely discouraging but a relief as well. I got right back on the horse.

However now things have changed a lot. I am much more senior and earning a lot more. Senior roles are fewer and more competitive. And the job market has been a disaster this year. It used to be that I’d get a couple of recruiter emails per week and now I can hardly get a response to any job applications I send. So yeah. At this point the financial hit terrifies me because I have a lot more at stake and I don’t know when I could get back to where I am if I left. I’m not miserable but I am unhappy as well as bored. For now I’m just dealing with it. I’m a little afraid to be “dealing with it” for the rest of my days though.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This is me right now. The job market has been so shit I’ve just keeping it together while trying to utilize my accumulated network of connections and start my own business.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

Ooh starting your own business must be so exciting. I wish you all the luck with that.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I think this really depends on how you quit. If you do it on an impulse, that's gonna really roll the dice, but if you already have another job lined up and you know the financial hit can be dampened by savings or another way, you might feel a bit safer.

I just heard that my contract can't be renewed and it runs out in March, so I'll have too look for something. I have enough time and I already took care of everything else so I don't have to panic anymore, but the anxiety will be there until I secured another job I'm happy with, and I just gotta deal with that.

My current job is not toxic but it does keep me on my toes and one of my bosses I can't get along with; he is always suspicious of me and I can't really deal with that. I just wanna do my job and not appeal to people lol.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

This might be a blessing in disguise then. Hopefully you find something you like better!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago

I was not scared at all, because it was the very normal thing for me to find a new and better paying job first.

But I was lucky because that asshole boss did rarely actually show up and make my life miserable. He was too busy with making so many others miserable, too.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Yes but you can get money in many different ways so that's nice.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

Nah Uber is a piece of shit. I meant like selling drugs or hookin'

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

I’ve been fired before. It honestly isn’t that bad unless you have absolutely shit financial practices.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Currently at a job where I haven't slept in 4 days because I am stressed out about quitting. There are too many safety violations and I keep getting in trouble for things completely out of my control. Maybe OSHA will supplement my income for a few months

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

Break a leg!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

I am a homeless man in San Francisco because I quit a public sector job that I was not allowed to fix with my good-ass coding skills. I have no regrets.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I had savings. don't know if I would have quit otherwise

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

No, I wasn't. It took me 2 months to switch jobs. With unused vacation money, I got about 1 month's worth of my regular salary. The people who stayed didn't get their salaries for 3 months due to cash flow issues.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

He works hard for the money.

So hard for the money.

He works hard for the money, so you better fire the subordinate employee

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

It seems that everyone already answered, but I will give my perspective as well.

It's definitely very different for each person. Some people need the money more or less. Some people suffer more in their job or less. Some people have more options or less.

I like to imagine a scale where on one side you have the reasons to leave and on another side you have the reasons to stay. And reasons to leave are multiplied by how many options you have outside.

So if your job is terrible and you're pretty financially stable and you have a lot of options for finding other jobs then the scale would lean towards leaving. Or if your job is pretty terrible, but you're not financially stable and you don't have a lot of options, then the scale would be pretty equal and you'll have to take a risk.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

Fucked me up. But I was an idiot and did it rashly. It always nerve racking, but if your ethe one making the choice you can prepare beforehand for some o the eventualities.

load more comments
view more: next ›